the bottom line is men suck. there aren't a lot of great examples out there, (I'm certainly a piece of shit).
We can’t leave women out of the mix, though. There are some awful examples of women out there, whether it’s as minor as a demoralizing spouse because she doesn’t compliment you or as major as someone who gives praise and compliments as a reward as opposed to the consequences for lack of adherence… ridicule and disrespect.
some are considerably worse than others, and the ones that are worse than the others are also LOUDER than the "decent" ones.
Agreed. It’s the straight piped and lifted Dodge Ram attitude in another form.
women have developed an aversion to complimenting or sometimes even approaching strangers that are men because of the risk of one of the "worse" ones. as a man, I don't blame them.
Agreed. In some instances, it’s not even SAFE to approach a strange man as a woman, let alone offer a compliment.
but as a man I also understand what it does to us. it makes the ones that ARE decent men more often than they aren't never hear compliments. if I got new shoes that I liked, or a pair of jeans that I love the fit on, I know for a fact no one but a potential SO is going to just out of no where say they look nice or whatever else.
I NEVER got any compliments from my ex. She was so goddamn vain and self-absorbed, so at a certain point… I felt like a prop. So, even if a random girl did flirt with me, it’s not like I would have taken it seriously anyway. There is a whole subsection of people out there that deliberately withhold compliments from their SO for the sake of sowing seeds of doubt in their head whenever they’d hear compliments from others OR to make their praise carry that much more weight when they finally receive it.
and sometimes women even in marriages/serious relationships DONT compliment their spouse as often as the man might compliment her. and it can feel a little demoralizing.
Demoralizing is a mild way of putting it, but also the best case scenario most people find themselves in when dealing with one-sided relationships like you describe.
there's a lot of shitty men out there, like, scum of the earth shitty. and the things they do often times (understandably) makes them have a general passive fear of men.
and sometimes the "decent" men suffer for it.
…and if they don’t end up suffering, they still end up cleaning up someone else’s mess or spending time that could be better spent on the aftermath of those kinds of people.
Personally, I like receiving compliments, but I only ever get them from my wife, my parents, and students that try to suck up to me (I don't like these ones). Sometimes strangers compliment me on different things, which is nice. I prefer compliments about things I have rather than who I am, if that makes sense. If a student says "best teacher ever!" it just makes me want to call them a suck-up nerd and tell them to shut up
Compliments are weird for me. They’re rare enough outside of my relationship, so I pretty much take what I get with gratitude and stay humble. I always give props where it’s due, though… but I’d bet that’s some psychological response to never receiving compliments myself.
When dating, girls who were into me often didn't give my compliments until after we hooked up.
Par for the course.
Guys don't compliment each other. We show our love for each other by teasing each other.
It depends, I don’t hesitate to let my friends know I’m proud of them for accomplishing something or that I appreciate them. General physical compliments? “Hey, you don’t look like shit today, you sleep?” is about as far as it goes.
Girls don't often compliment guys because of the fear they'll take it the wrong way. I think girls that are interested in you tend to withhold compliments as a way to sort of maintain a position of power. I don't think it's done consciously, but I've noticed with girls I've hooked up with that they're more generous with compliments (about anything) after we hooked up.
It’s the “give an inch, take a mile” mentality. You’re right, it’s a tactic for power plays.
