OP
((Uuuuugh, fine. Make it harder for me to kill the half-orc. I've already gotta do it twice in a row already.
But since we've had such a long rest in the campaign, I'll magically give you all a long rest in-game to get you back up to snuff.))
As they follow the path and enter the clearing though, no trace of the fallen enemies remain, only lush green grass glistening with the last remnants of the night's rain. Even the wide splatters of blood seem to have been washed away, leaving only a patch of grass that has not yet regained it's composure.
Moonsprout notes a half-dozen or so songbirds perched high in the branches of the trees surrounding the clearing, all watching the party with keen eyes.
The path through the clearing continues directly south, past where Varnoth made her stand, and into the thicker forest beyond.
Aims had stayed relatively silent during the trek to find Sparkrender. His mind was preoccupied with his precious testies still being fully intact, and also with the sudden addition of more party members. One of them looks to be a kobolt, much like the others, though he doesn't seem to remember seeing this one. Not much of a bother though. The one he's much more interested and curious of is the tree trunk, or two tree trunks, that ended up sprouting a man. Never had Aims seen a creature like that and he kept glancing at kutshort many times during their march.
Finding themselves in the clearing where Varnoth bravely fought off many a kobolts earlier, Aims perks up as he is reminded of the sight as well as the scent of blood still lingering in the area.
Hey! We're at the spot where the human warrior bravely led a massacre and painted a crimson painting on the ground over there. It was a very exciting battle to witness. Even after they were all vanquished she still held on strong and gave no quarter, almost to the point of baring arms against myself while still in battle trance. If only you all saw her...
Finding themselves in the clearing where Varnoth bravely fought off many a kobolts earlier, Aims perks up as he is reminded of the sight as well as the scent of blood still lingering in the area.
Hey! We're at the spot where the human warrior bravely led a massacre and painted a crimson painting on the ground over there. It was a very exciting battle to witness. Even after they were all vanquished she still held on strong and gave no quarter, almost to the point of baring arms against myself while still in battle trance. If only you all saw her...
((Only fucking @Ben can create a story where a half orc half wit wants to fuck a human. A mushroom licking hippy halfling tries to seduce a cook. And a come to Jesus time fucking tiefling has the hots for a kobold with wings. Now we need the blind monk and the murder hobo gnome to get it on with each other and we've hit a gold mine.))
((If that's the direction this is heading, I think Magni will have to borrow someone's tree trunk legs to help with the height difference))
((all three of them))
((You have a better shot at Moonsprout.
And now I'm reminded of BASEketball again.
"What's the one thing you want more than anything?"
"Chelsea Clinton?"
"I don't think that's in the spirit of the foundation."
"Yeah, dude, you'd have a better shot at Bill."))
OP
((The bard wanting to seduce everything is par for the D&D course, but yeah the rest of it I wasn't entirely expecting. But I did kind of play up those two characters that spoke to your inventor side and Aims' soldier side, so... I guess I'm not surprised. Not that any of you actually tried to find out more about Tarak/Varnoth in earnest, or really questioning why they're in Dragon's Rest to begin with.
I'm sure given some time, Nac will fumble a stealth check and accidentally give Sparkrender a handjob.
Pretty sure Short just has romantic feelings for his ice knife and nothing else.
Magni and Kutshort? They need more horny character development to tell.))
OP
((It's sounding less Hollywood and more San Fernando Valley...))
Moonsprout was reclined against a pile of rubble at Dragon's Rest. He'd sourced some particularly potent herb, and had gotten quite deep in the business of euphoric inebriation. After all the carnage and destruction he witnessed, he needed something to take the edge off. Moonsprout lay this way semi-comatose, eyes half-shuttered and an open-mouthed grin as drool dribbled down his chin. The comings and goings didn't phase him. Dragons swooping in and out, portals opening and spilling in new voyagers -- all of these moved about him in a blur, like shadows in a background. It wasn't until he heard Short Order say his name...:
Hey, whuh, what's that? Stroking what dragon? he says, sleepily.
The problem, however, was that Moonsprout's reaction finally occurred a few hours after Short Order's comment.
Up until this point, Moonsprout had been largely silent, excepting the occasional "Ooh!" or "Wowwww" as he ventured slowly and meanderingly behind the group, taking in the bounty of nature's sights. The rest of the adventurers stop and eye Moonsprout with confusion at this sudden and unprovoked outburst.
Wow, uh, that was some hella, um, vigorous herb.
The rest of the group remains silent, waiting to see what he will do or say next.
Who the hell are those dudes? he asks, gesturing at the newcomers.
...that Moonsprout kind of snapped out of it.
Hey, whuh, what's that? Stroking what dragon? he says, sleepily.
The problem, however, was that Moonsprout's reaction finally occurred a few hours after Short Order's comment.
Up until this point, Moonsprout had been largely silent, excepting the occasional "Ooh!" or "Wowwww" as he ventured slowly and meanderingly behind the group, taking in the bounty of nature's sights. The rest of the adventurers stop and eye Moonsprout with confusion at this sudden and unprovoked outburst.
Wow, uh, that was some hella, um, vigorous herb.
The rest of the group remains silent, waiting to see what he will do or say next.
Who the hell are those dudes? he asks, gesturing at the newcomers.
OP
The half-orc looks around quickly, scanning the treeline of the clearing for any sign of a threat. There, to the South/South West, his orcish eyes ((not full orc, just orcish.)) spot a surprising number of Kobolds slinking through the brush. He quickly assesses and counts 6 targets to the South West, with another 3 to the South. At a distance they're difficult to make out, but some appear better equipped with gear than others.
The enemy kobolds, who had been watching the group chatter, while hoping to surround them, look startled as the barbarian turns their way and in a panic begin to charge. They are about 50-60 feet away from your group in the center of the clearing.
(( Everyone roll for initiative. ))
((Nah, I think I'll be fine...
Nac will be like "Oh, no! I'm falling over, better grab something to keep me standing!". Cut to Sparkrender:
((bit of a premature celebration before you've actually acted. you'll be the first to act, but you could still roll a 1 and have your first action be to have your pants fall down and to trip over them and break your dick))((Oh shit, was too distracted to check what I rolled. That's one way to make an entrance lmao))
((At least I'll be able to say that I'm the fastest dick-breaker on the Sword Coast. And I'll get to have matching broken dicks with Aims))
OP
((It puts you towards the top of the list, but not necessarily on top. If any of the others, or enemies, roll a 20 and have a higher initiative modifier you could get bonked down.))((Oh shit, was too distracted to check what I rolled. That's one way to make an entrance lmao))
((You do remember how this campaign goes!))
((Yeah but one dick is markedly smaller than the other.
And I don't think Aims is using Trojan Magni XL...))
((We wait for the literal horny member to roll their initiative, then I roll for the enemies. I'll drop initiative order and we go from there.
But they are pretty far away, so for the most part I'd assume their first turns will involve running... Towards the Metal Gear Kobold I've hidden in the woods!))
((Passive perception check for the win!?
Pretty sure I remember how to roll shitty. +2 modifier for initiative for me right?))
OP
((Yep! Aims having a passive perception of 14 and a lot of the kobolds rolling below that meant he noticed them without having to actually roll himself. Thematically worked with the trained soldier vibe, so I rolled with it [hurr].
I'll try to get the initiative out once my meetings are done.))
OP
((I got weird fridays now and never got around. Oops. Going in from 11am to 3pm for 2nd shift suring our "summer hours." Its all bullshit, but thats all my problem. Time to murder!))
OP
((Alrighty, going back to the old-school way we were doing this and not fucking around with the iframe crap that caused the page to constantly jump around.))
As the hostile kobolds look across the grassy clearing, most with a look of surprise on their scaly faces, one single kobold to the South West immediately darts into the thicker undergrowth along the treeline and vanishes entirely from sight.
The rest, each kobold holding a shield but some looking to have lighter armor, take a few moments to react.
Round 1 Turn 2
((@The Flame - Magni is up second technically as I also rolled a 20 for that first kobold.
Now, I want to explain a new mechanic here before we really get started; Minions.
These are weaker creatures that act as one unit, hence why there's the "Kobold 6/7/8/9" in the initiative list. They all act together and have group attacks, which speeds up running a bunch of them for me.
The other side of that is they're incredibly easy to kill. Literally, any damage at all will reduce a minion to 0 HP. Beyond that, there is overkill damage where damage to a minion exceeding their max HP will 'spill over' to another minion within a given range, depending on the type of attack.
The rest, each kobold holding a shield but some looking to have lighter armor, take a few moments to react.
Round 1 Turn 2
| Up | Creature | Initiative | AC | Speed | Health |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Kobold 4 | 21 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| >> | Magni | 21 | 11 | 30ft | 10/10 |
| Nac | 20 | 17 | 35ft | 39/39 | |
| Moonsprout | 18 | 14 | 25ft | 23/23 | |
| Kobold 2 | 17 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Aims'orreh | 15 | 16 | 30ft | 49/49 | |
| Kobold 5 | 15 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Kobold 6/7/8/9 | 12 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Kobold 3 | 11 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Short | 11 | 11 | 25ft | 31/31 | |
| Kutshort | 10 | 14 | 30ft | 15/15 | |
| Zesty | 6 | 15 | 30ft | 35/35 | |
| Boltzmann | 6 | 15 | 40ft | 26/26 | |
| Kobold 1 | 4 | ? | ? | Healthy |
((@The Flame - Magni is up second technically as I also rolled a 20 for that first kobold.
Now, I want to explain a new mechanic here before we really get started; Minions.
These are weaker creatures that act as one unit, hence why there's the "Kobold 6/7/8/9" in the initiative list. They all act together and have group attacks, which speeds up running a bunch of them for me.
- Basically they don't roll for damage and their attacks deal a static amount, but it's adjusted by how many minions join in the attack.
- So if all 4 join in an attack on the same target, they'd get a +4 to their grouped attack roll, and the static damage is multiplied by 4.
The other side of that is they're incredibly easy to kill. Literally, any damage at all will reduce a minion to 0 HP. Beyond that, there is overkill damage where damage to a minion exceeding their max HP will 'spill over' to another minion within a given range, depending on the type of attack.
- So for example if the minion type's max HP was 6 (which it isn't for these), and you hit them with a melee attack for 14 damage, you'd kill the first minion and there's 8 overkill damage remaining, allowing you to hit another minion that's also within the range of your attack.
- And it continues, so of the 8 overkill damage, the second minion will die and leave 2 overkill damage remaining.
- While that 2 isn't enough to keep the overkill damage going, even just 1 point of damage will kill a minion, so the third minion will die as well.
- Melee attacks, fairly simply, can spread overkill within the melee weapon's range. Ranged attacks can spread overkill damage in a straight line from the attacker and past the first minion they killed, up to the ranged weapon's short range. So think of it like piercing through the first and hitting minions behind it.
Driven by a sudden urge to prove himself amongst this new group, or perhaps just confident in his ability to fight off his own kind, Magni is the first to rush forward, quickly weaving through everyone.
Move to square next to Nac, two south of Short.
Upon getting a better view of the enemies, he stops and reaches again for the small pouch around his neck. He begins to shout in a shrill voice as he pulls out a small statue of a dragon.
"SURRENDER! OR BY FLAME OF THE GREAT DRAGON, WE WILL STRIP THE SCALES FROM YOUR FLESH!"
Giving their adversaries no time to actually surrender, the little kobold raises the statue high and his eyes begin to glow like embers in tandem with those of the dragon. Moments later, a blaze of crimson energy bursts forth from the dragon's mouth toward Kobold 7. A crazed look of excitement comes across Magni's face as he's lit by the glow of arcane light.
Cast Eldritch Flame (aka Blast) on Kobold 7
Move to square next to Nac, two south of Short.
Upon getting a better view of the enemies, he stops and reaches again for the small pouch around his neck. He begins to shout in a shrill voice as he pulls out a small statue of a dragon.
"SURRENDER! OR BY FLAME OF THE GREAT DRAGON, WE WILL STRIP THE SCALES FROM YOUR FLESH!"
Giving their adversaries no time to actually surrender, the little kobold raises the statue high and his eyes begin to glow like embers in tandem with those of the dragon. Moments later, a blaze of crimson energy bursts forth from the dragon's mouth toward Kobold 7. A crazed look of excitement comes across Magni's face as he's lit by the glow of arcane light.
Cast Eldritch Flame (aka Blast) on Kobold 7
OP
Magni's attack connects squarely with the shield of the front right kobold, who lets out a brief squeal before their shield shatters and the shrapnel peppers their body. Kobold 7 is reduced to a fine paste, splattering over the shields of the kobold behind it.
Kobold 7 takes 4 points of force damage. Kobold 7 dies.
((@Nae'blis - Nac is up next.
Round 1 Turn 2
| Up | Creature | Initiative | AC | Speed | Health |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Kobold 4 | 21 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Magni | 21 | 11 | 30ft | 10/10 | |
| >> | Nac | 20 | 17 | 35ft | 39/39 |
| Moonsprout | 18 | 14 | 25ft | 23/23 | |
| Kobold 2 | 17 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Aims'orreh | 15 | 16 | 30ft | 49/49 | |
| Kobold 5 | 15 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Kobold Minions | 12 | ? | ? | 6/8/9 | |
| Kobold 3 | 11 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Short | 11 | 11 | 25ft | 31/31 | |
| Kutshort | 10 | 14 | 30ft | 15/15 | |
| Zesty | 6 | 15 | 30ft | 35/35 | |
| Boltzmann | 6 | 15 | 40ft | 26/26 | |
| Kobold 1 | 4 | ? | ? | Healthy |
Adjusted that slightly to show which minions are still alive in the health section, not just "healthy"))
Kobolds, blood is on yer hands! Nac shouts to the approaching kobolds. He turns his head to Magni, standing next to him.
Not ye though, laddie. Ye're alright.
Nac, using the afterglow of Magni's attack as a guiding light, rushes towards the group to the south west, fully trusting his senses not to run into anything along the way. As the kobolds enter his field of "vision", he stops and reaches into his somewhat tattered gi. ((5 squares south west of Magni))
As his hand emerges, holding a dart, he quickly whips it towards Kobold 9
((Oops, ignore the d100. Too used to roll for 69...
))
Edit 2: ((I subtracted a dart from my inventory btw.))
Not ye though, laddie. Ye're alright.
Nac, using the afterglow of Magni's attack as a guiding light, rushes towards the group to the south west, fully trusting his senses not to run into anything along the way. As the kobolds enter his field of "vision", he stops and reaches into his somewhat tattered gi. ((5 squares south west of Magni))
As his hand emerges, holding a dart, he quickly whips it towards Kobold 9
((Oops, ignore the d100. Too used to roll for 69...
))Edit 2: ((I subtracted a dart from my inventory btw.))
OP
The dart passes straight through the kobold's skull and whirls off into the treeline behind ((overkill damage but there wasn't anything behind it.))
Kobold 9 takes 7 points of piercing damage. Kobold 9 dies.
((@Smacktard - Moonsprout is up.
Round 1 Turn 4
| Up | Creature | Initiative | AC | Speed | Health |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Kobold 4 | 21 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Magni | 21 | 11 | 30ft | 10/10 | |
| Nac | 20 | 17 | 35ft | 39/39 | |
| >> | Moonsprout | 18 | 14 | 25ft | 23/23 |
| Kobold 2 | 17 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Aims'orreh | 15 | 16 | 30ft | 49/49 | |
| Kobold 5 | 15 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Kobold Minions | 12 | ? | ? | 6/8 | |
| Kobold 3 | 11 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Short | 11 | 11 | 25ft | 31/31 | |
| Kutshort | 10 | 14 | 30ft | 15/15 | |
| Zesty | 6 | 15 | 30ft | 35/35 | |
| Boltzmann | 6 | 15 | 40ft | 26/26 | |
| Kobold 1 | 4 | ? | ? | Healthy |
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Moonsprout, having become somewhat desensitized to the violence, but still not desiring to take part, plops down on the grass, reclines against a tree, and stuffs his pipe.
Pfft, you guys are gonna look reaaaal stupid when you find out you're attacking friendly kobolds or something.
Moonsprout squints through the smokey haze that's begun to surround him, and tries to get a good look at the distant kobolds.
Pfft, you guys are gonna look reaaaal stupid when you find out you're attacking friendly kobolds or something.
Moonsprout squints through the smokey haze that's begun to surround him, and tries to get a good look at the distant kobolds.
OP
((To lean against a tree, you'll have to move a bit, so I'll put you 25ft to the West. Red circles are representing the trunks and will also act as cover.))
Moonsprout is prone.
From this distance you can't make out too much about the kobold legion, but you do note that they're covered in blue warpaint and some have nifty blue feather plumes on top of their helmets.
"KOBOLDS! TESTUDO FORMATION"
Kobold 2 moves forward 30 feet, and as it does, three of the other kobolds (1, 3 and 5) hear his rallying cry and ((as a reaction)) move into formation, their shields clanking down onto the mud and covering their heads from above.
((@Jawneh - Aims is up.
Round 1 Turn 6
| Up | Creature | Initiative | AC | Speed | Health |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Kobold 4 | 21 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Magni | 21 | 11 | 30ft | 10/10 | |
| Nac | 20 | 17 | 35ft | 39/39 | |
| Moonsprout | 18 | 14 | 25ft | 23/23 | |
| Kobold 2 | 17 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| >> | Aims'orreh | 15 | 16 | 30ft | 49/49 |
| Kobold 5 | 15 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Kobold Minions | 12 | ? | ? | 6/8 | |
| Kobold 3 | 11 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Short | 11 | 11 | 25ft | 31/31 | |
| Kutshort | 10 | 14 | 30ft | 15/15 | |
| Zesty | 6 | 15 | 30ft | 35/35 | |
| Boltzmann | 6 | 15 | 40ft | 26/26 | |
| Kobold 1 | 4 | ? | ? | Healthy |
Side note: I love these new kobolds!))
And there it is! Aims had spent far too long of a time prone and an equally long time after that simply walking around. His stiff body didn't need rest. It needed exercise. He needed to feel his blood moving again to invigorate both his body and his balls.
New kobolds?! Hahaa! Time for some new kobob's! Your puny blood will be used to season my new ax!
Aims takes off and goes straight for theshaft kobold 1 in the formation, skillfully twirling his ax in his hands as he makes way, and brings the weapon down to cleave the shaft kobold 1 in half.
New kobolds?! Hahaa! Time for some new kobob's! Your puny blood will be used to season my new ax!
Aims takes off and goes straight for the
OP
Kobold 1 takes 8 points of slashing damage.
Kobold 5 deals 9 points of slashing damage to Aims.
In the same motion, it pivots and swings its shield hard towards the barbarian, but the blow fails to connect.
((Aims only passive perception checked 2 of the 3 groups I'd hidden. They were rolled into the initiative order at the start though.))
Kobold 10 runs 30ft towards the main group.
Kobold 6 and 8 miss
Kobold 11, 13, 14 and 15 run 30ft North West.
Kobold 3 deals 7 points of piercing damage to Aims.
((@A shortcut - Short is up.
| Up | Creature | Initiative | AC | Speed | Health |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Kobold 4 | 21 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Magni | 21 | 11 | 30ft | 10/10 | |
| Nac | 20 | 17 | 35ft | 39/39 | |
| Moonsprout | 18 | 14 | 25ft | 23/23 | |
| Kobold 2 | 17 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Aims'orreh | 15 | 16 | 30ft | 33/49 | |
| Kobold 5 | 15 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Kobold 10 | 15 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Kobold Minions | 12 | ? | ? | 6/8/11/12/13/14/15 | |
| Kobold 3 | 11 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| >> | Short | 11 | 11 | 25ft | 31/31 |
| Kutshort | 10 | 14 | 30ft | 15/15 | |
| Zesty | 6 | 15 | 30ft | 35/35 | |
| Boltzmann | 6 | 15 | 40ft | 26/26 | |
| Kobold 1 | 4 | ? | ? | Injured |
Holy bollocks that felt like a lot of turns to get through... But I just kept adding more kobolds until this was balanced to be a "Medium" encounter for your group of 7.
))
((It really feels like a Rome Total War: 300 Spartans vs 100,000 peasant militia -- WHO WILL WIN??? YouTube video))
OP
((...You're not wrong...((Man, these gladiators are really kicking these babies' asses.... Maybe if I balance it by adding more babies...))
That's why shortkut and The Flame are here!))
((It's like this was made for Short to do his things))((The minions are deleted as soon as they take 1 damage so...
((MURDER HOBO IN MORTAL KUMBAT!))
OP
And misses. It embeds itself in the ground below the smaller kobold, who looks down in surprise and raises its shield up above its head in a victorious cry.
Kobold 10 has a moment to try and yell "No! Knife go boom!" but it's too late. Kobold 10 slams its shield down as the frozen blade shatters and sends slivers of ice in every direction, shredding all of the minions and peppering the right leg of the more armored kobold.
Kobold 10, 11, 13, 14 and 15 take 11 points of cold damage.
Kobold 11, 13, 14 and 15 are killed.
((@shortkut - kutshort is up.
| Up | Creature | Initiative | AC | Speed | Health |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Kobold 4 | 21 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Magni | 21 | 11 | 30ft | 10/10 | |
| Nac | 20 | 17 | 35ft | 39/39 | |
| Moonsprout | 18 | 14 | 25ft | 23/23 | |
| Kobold 2 | 17 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Aims'orreh | 15 | 16 | 30ft | 33/49 | |
| Kobold 5 | 15 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Kobold 10 | 15 | ? | ? | Badly Injured | |
| Kobold Minions | 12 | ? | ? | 6/8 | |
| Kobold 3 | 11 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Short | 11 | 11 | 25ft | 31/31 | |
| >> | Kutshort | 10 | 14 | 30ft | 15/15 |
| Kobold 12 | 7 | ? | ? | Healthy | |
| Zesty | 6 | 15 | 30ft | 35/35 | |
| Boltzmann | 6 | 15 | 40ft | 26/26 | |
| Kobold 1 | 4 | ? | ? | Injured |
I mistakenly grouped Kobold 12 with the minions, which it isn't. It's been put into the order where it was rolled on initiative, after kutshort.))