Rank the Fast Food Pizzas

[Crystal]

*NOTE* Full disclosure, I fully acknowledge and agree that real, fresh made pizza in proper ovens in ma and pop shops trumps fast food pizza, but we can't rate them because we can't all get to taste those ones...so...QSR it is!

Talking about the QSRs, Pizza Hut, Papa Johns, etc... Let's rank them!

We'll include the following chains: Domino's, Pizza Hut, Papa Johns, Little Caesars, Marco's Pizza, Mod Pizza, Hungry Howie's, Jets Pizza, Blaze Pizza, California Pizza Kitchen

What's your take?

My list:

1. Jets Pizza -- I know most won't see this as number one, but it's the closest to "real" pizza on this list, and it's a decent Detroit style!
2. Domino's -- Their pan pizza is nice.
3. Hungry Howies -- I acknowledge the pizza isn't super tasty, but those crusts!!
4. Little Caesars -- Ok, here me out here, their thin crust is decent.
5. Marco's Pizza -- We lost ours around here, so...it slips down the list. It was nice!
6. Pizza Hut -- It's...well, it's Pizza Hut.
7. Mod Pizza -- Subway, eat pizza
8. Blaze Pizza -- see above
9. California Pizza Kitchen -- Meh.
10. Papa Johns -- Get some flavour, please.

 

[shortkut]

I’m not familiar with most of those so I’ll only rank what I know:

1. Blaze pizza
2. Pizza hut
3. Papa John’s
4. Dominos
5. Hungry Howie’s
6. California Pizza kitchen
7. Little Cesar’s

 

[Mark]

1. Pizza John’s. Not to be confused with Papa John’s, been around longer if I’m not mistaken. Local joint. Closest a Marylander will get NYC pizza in taste, but not size.
2. John's Italian Deli. Another local spot, and another Italian guy named John. They have the closest you’ll get to an NYC-sized slice AND have the appropriate dough to sauce to cheese ratio.
3. Dominos. They would have never even placed in the late 90’s through early 00’s, but they got their shit together (here, at least) and make one of my favorite pan pizzas.
4. Pizza Slut. Their pan pizza is the only redeeming item on their menu. Notice a trend here? I don’t get regular crust from franchises. I’m spoiled.
5. Little Caesars. They massacred what was once a glorious memory of pizza from my childhood.
6. Papa John’s. Fuck that guy, and fuck his pizza.
7. S’Barro’s. Heartburn in a conveniently shaped and easy to eat form.
8. UNO’s. Do I need to give a reason?

 

[TD]

...I don't have most of these.

1) Dominos - this is my go to if I'm going with a cheap chain choice
2) Pizza Hut - haven't had it in like 5 years

I can't even rank Little Ceasers. I find it gross ever since they transitioned to the ready hot thing.

 

[Jon]

1. Sam's Club - It's cheap, tasty pizza.
2. Anything home made
3. Any mom and pop shop
4. Marco's
5. Hungry Howies - The crust, dear lord the crusts
6. Blaze
7. Dominos
8. Pizza Hut
9. Papa John's
10. Little Caesars - Got VIOLENTLY ill last time I had it so it's only here as a courtesy for past enjoyments

 

[Crystal]

Oh shit, I forgot the include Costco and Sams!

 

[shortkut]

I’m not familiar with most of those so I’ll only rank what I know:

1. Blaze pizza
2. s’barros
3. Pizza hut
4. Papa John’s
5. Dominos
6. Hungry Howie’s
7. California Pizza kitchen
8. Little Cesar’s

Forgot s’barros. Thanks @Mark .

list updated

 

[Crystal]

...I don't have most of these.

1) Dominos - this is my go to if I'm going with a cheap chain choice
2) Pizza Hut - haven't had it in like 5 years

I can't even rank Little Ceasers. I find it gross ever since they transitioned to the ready hot thing.

Hmm...add in...umm...Pizza Pizza and...umm...something else Canadian? lol, I don't know what chains you guys have up there. I know Pizza Pizza and Pizza 73 are the same company, I don't know if that means they're the same menus, maybe those count as two different ones? I need to l2Canada more.

 

[TD]

Hmm...add in...umm...Pizza Pizza and...umm...something else Canadian? lol, I don't know what chains you guys have up there. I know Pizza Pizza and Pizza 73 are the same company, I don't know if that means they're the same menus, maybe those count as two different ones? I need to l2Canada more.

Pizza Pizza is a thing...

But also gross.

Yeah, our better pizza places are NOT chains.

 

[Crystal]

Pizza Pizza is a thing...

But also gross.

Yeah, our better pizza places are NOT chains.

Same down here, but I figured there were a lot of similar chains, not just two, lol. The QSRs are easy to rate since most have them, while the independent places are near impossible. I could tell everyone how much I love Garden Pizza, Stevie's Pizza and Lucky's Pizza, but that means nothing because who outside of me even knows what those are? lol. That's why I went with just the shitty fast food ones.

 

[VashTheStampede]

1. sbarro
Peak garbage pizza

2. Domino's
Used to be just trash, now is decent trash.

3. Marco's
Too expensive for what they provide

4. Papa Murphy's
They make you do part of the fuckin' work, but its a decent pie.

5. Cici's Pizza
You get what you pay for. Assuming you wolf down like 8 pizzas.

6. Papa John's
If you go heavy on that garlic flavored oil shit they give you

7. Little Caesar's
Technically edible

8. Chuck E. Cheese
Would probably be FANTASTIC if you were drunk but they for some reason don't like you getting blasted with all those kids around

Last. Pizza Hut
I'd rather eat the box of an actual pizza establishment. Only children with undeveloped taste buds should appreciate this monstrosity.

When I was a kid in California we'd always go to a place called Round Table Pizza after every sporting competition, which was rad because it was medieval themed (big pizza fans in ol' Avalon, I suppose). That pizza was fucking amazing to Child Vash and not just because I could scarf down a couple slices and then spend the rest of the time playing Golden Axe or Altered Beast. I haven't had it since I moved back to Florida, but apparently it still exists. I bet it sucks.

 

[Crystal]

When I was a kid in California we'd always go to a place called Round Table Pizza after every sporting competition, which was rad because it was medieval themed (big pizza fans in ol' Avalon, I suppose). That pizza was fucking amazing to Child Vash and not just because I could scarf down a couple slices and then spend the rest of the time playing Golden Axe or Altered Beast. I haven't had it since I moved back to Florida, but apparently it still exists. I bet it sucks.

Not only do they still exist, they're growing pretty steadily. I'd wager the quality has changed since they're a moderate sized regional chain now, but they're still there. We have a similar regional chain here, Barros, decent pizza, used to be great atmosphere.

 

[shortkut]

Question: should I take s’barros off my list since I’ve technically never had pizza there, only their Strombolis?

Also, I do not think I’ve had chain pizza since 2016 or earlier

 

[Crystal]

Question: should I take s’barros off my list since I’ve technically never had pizza there, only their Strombolis?

Meh, still counts.

Also, I do not think I’ve had chain pizza since 2016 or earlier

As it should be! If I could afford real pizza I'd be eating that all the damn time

 

[Kat]

What makes a pizza place "fast food"? Pizza Hut isn't great, but I don't feel like it's any faster than other pizza places, just cheaper.

When I was a kid in California we'd always go to a place called Round Table Pizza after every sporting competition, which was rad because it was medieval themed (big pizza fans in ol' Avalon, I suppose). That pizza was fucking amazing to Child Vash and not just because I could scarf down a couple slices and then spend the rest of the time playing Golden Axe or Altered Beast. I haven't had it since I moved back to Florida, but apparently it still exists. I bet it sucks.

There's a Round Table near me. It's not medieval themed, but it's decent pizza. I like their buffet, and the service is usually good.

 

[Crystal]

What makes a pizza place "fast food"? Pizza Hut isn't great, but I don't feel like it's any faster than other pizza places, just cheaper.

I mean it more in the sense of QSR/mass produced food, the massive chains where the food is frozen and portioned and...systematic.

 

[Mark]

Question: should I take s’barros off my list since I’ve technically never had pizza there, only their Strombolis?

Also, I do not think I’ve had chain pizza since 2016 or earlier

No, like any other brand, a calzone or stromboli is an accurate depiction of what their pizza would be like. They just fold it for you.

 

[MC74]

...I don't have most of these.

1) Dominos - this is my go to if I'm going with a cheap chain choice
2) Pizza Hut - haven't had it in like 5 years

I can't even rank Little Ceasers. I find it gross ever since they transitioned to the ready hot thing.

Same in my case as well. I much prefer to make my own pizzas at home because most other places I've been to for whatever reason tends to pepper the bottom of their pizzas with flour. Just ugh.... -____-

 

[Crystal]

Same in my case as well. I much prefer to make my own pizzas at home because most other places I've been to for whatever reason tends to pepper the bottom of their pizzas with flour. Just ugh.... -____-

Ugh, I hate that!! Flour on the bottom, while good for moving the pizza in the oven, ruins the pizza.

 

[MC74]

Ugh, I hate that!! Flour on the bottom, while good for moving the pizza in the oven, ruins the pizza.

I get it, you need something to prevent the pizza from sticking, but don't ruin the pizza, damnit!

 

[Cole]

Last. Pizza Hut
I'd rather eat the box of an actual pizza establishment. Only children with undeveloped taste buds should appreciate this monstrosity.

I don't know WHO the fuck you think you are. but we're going to have words.

 

[VashTheStampede]

I don't know WHO the fuck you think you are. but we're going to have words.

You know how strongly @shortkut feels about pineapple on pizza?

I feel that way about pizzas made at the Hut.

It's like eating a tofuburger. An attempt at a facsimile of an actual food, but with no soul.

 

[shortkut]

You know how strongly @shortkut feels about pineapple on pizza?

I feel that way about pizzas made at the Hut.

It's like eating a tofuburger. An attempt at a facsimile of an actual food, but with no soul.

Last time I had Pizza Hut was when they were still doing the fern gully promotional cups. Their crust was much better than dominoes

 

[Smacktard]

Fun fact: Something I discovered is that the food quality in fast food chains varies DRASTICALLY between countries.

Pizza Hut in Kuwait was GOAT. In Saudi, it's mediocre. In China, it's completely disgusting.

 

[Smacktard]

Oh also Papa John's is always terrible.

 

[Cole]

You know how strongly @shortkut feels about pineapple on pizza?

I feel that way about pizzas made at the Hut.

It's like eating a tofuburger. An attempt at a facsimile of an actual food, but with no soul.

you disgust me

 

[Jon]

you disgust me

Most people feel that way about Vash to be fair.

And also... how the HELL does your signature always randomize to a PERFECTLY apt capture from the Simpson's movie... like this one... the disgusted animal looks as you're disgusted with Vash...



IT'S ALWAYS SO APPROPRIATE!

 

[VashTheStampede]

Last time I had Pizza Hut was when they were still doing the fern gully promotional cups. Their crust was much better than dominoes

So, 1992. Like I said, it's for kids with underdeveloped palates.

Last time I enjoyed Pizza Hut I got a free pan pizza from the Book It program and also picked me up a Petrie Land Before Time puppet.

 

[VashTheStampede]

Oh also Papa John's is always terrible.

Which is wild because he left Pizza Hut to make pizza that was edible.

He failed but it was at least a step up.

 

[Smacktard]

Which is wild because he left Pizza Hut to make pizza that was edible.

He failed but it was at least a step up.

Papa John's is never a step up from any pizza, ever. Except maybe Chinese Pizza Hut, because, I reiterate, that shit is ass.

 

[VashTheStampede]

Papa John's is never a step up from any pizza, ever.

I agree.

I also don't think you can call the stuff Pizza Hut serves "pizza".

 

[Smacktard]

I agree.

I also don't think you can call the stuff Pizza Hut serves "pizza".

I haven't had US Pizza Hut so maybe you're on to something. I remember it being pretty mediocre in Canada, but it's been a while.

 

[shortkut]

So, 1992. Like I said, it's for kids with underdeveloped palates.

Last time I enjoyed Pizza Hut I got a free pan pizza from the Book It program and also picked me up a Petrie Land Before Time puppet.

I had the Petrie and Ducky puppet but never knew where I got them from until you just mentioned it and so google confirmed they were from Pizza Hut. Sorry, nostalgia factor for the movie tie-ins has to give Pizza Hut a higher billing than you gave it. You don’t even have to eat the pizza, just get the toys and watch the commercials from 30 years ago, and it is better than most of the stuff on the lists

 

[VashTheStampede]

There's a Pizza Hut in the strip mall where I work.

We order pizza from pretty much anywhere else.

 

[VashTheStampede]

I had the Petrie and Ducky puppet but never knew where I got them from until you just mentioned it and so google confirmed they were from Pizza Hut. Sorry, nostalgia factor for the movie tie-ins has to give Pizza Hut a higher billing than you gave it. You don’t even have to eat the pizza, just get the toys and watch the commercials from 30 years ago, and it is better than most of the stuff on the lists

The fact that they turned their back on that magic actually docks them points though.

That was a conscious decision to save money and stop supporting dreams.

 

[shortkut]

The fact that they turned their back on that magic actually docks them points though.

That was a conscious decision to save money and stop supporting dreams.

I cannot argue with that logic.

Old Pizza Hut, top level chain pizza just for the magic

Current Pizza Hut, garbage level garbage

 

[VashTheStampede]

Buffet-era Pizza Hut was GOATed

 

[Mark]

Buffet-era Pizza Hut was GOATed

The stuffed crust was their last acceptable contribution, and I don’t think they even invented it. They just mainstreamed it so others could do it better.

 

[Advocate for Ants! Mouth]

*NOTE* Full disclosure, I fully acknowledge and agree that real, fresh made pizza in proper ovens in ma and pop shops trumps fast food pizza, but we can't rate them because we can't all get to taste those ones...so...QSR it is!

Talking about the QSRs, Pizza Hut, Papa Johns, etc... Let's rank them!

We'll include the following chains: Domino's, Pizza Hut, Papa Johns, Little Caesars, Marco's Pizza, Mod Pizza, Hungry Howie's, Jets Pizza, Blaze Pizza, California Pizza Kitchen

What's your take?

My list:

1. Jets Pizza -- I know most won't see this as number one, but it's the closest to "real" pizza on this list, and it's a decent Detroit style!
2. Domino's -- Their pan pizza is nice.
3. Hungry Howies -- I acknowledge the pizza isn't super tasty, but those crusts!!
4. Little Caesars -- Ok, here me out here, their thin crust is decent.
5. Marco's Pizza -- We lost ours around here, so...it slips down the list. It was nice!
6. Pizza Hut -- It's...well, it's Pizza Hut.
7. Mod Pizza -- Subway, eat pizza
8. Blaze Pizza -- see above
9. California Pizza Kitchen -- Meh.
10. Papa Johns -- Get some flavour, please.

1. Blaze - I can eat it because they have GF crust and it's not the worst thing ever
2. Domino's - I can eat it and their GF crust exists
3. CPK - eh. I guess?


Not going to rate the rest because last I checked I can't even eat their pizzas these days. I also never go to any of them outside of once in a blue moon CPK when I'm visiting the inlaws.

 

[Crystal]

1. Blaze - I can eat it because they have GF crust and it's not the worst thing ever
2. Domino's - I can eat it and their GF crust exists
3. CPK - eh. I guess?


Not going to rate the rest because last I checked I can't even eat their pizzas these days. I also never go to any of them outside of once in a blue moon CPK when I'm visiting the inlaws.

Fair list, I feel like I've seen more with GF crusts, but they might be more local places, but yeah, more need them!

 

[Advocate for Ants! Mouth]

Fair list, I feel like I've seen more with GF crusts, but they might be more local places, but yeah, more need them!

Local places are always the way to be for sure. But when I'm traveling it's hard to trust them because I'm not familiar with with them to know.

 

[Tommy Boy]

I shamefully enjoy Pizza Hut marinara sauce and always have since I was a kid. Not so much their regular sized pizza, but I'll do a personal one every now and then. Dominos has really improved since college era but that's because garlic makes everything good no matter what. Papa John's has better side dishes than pizza. CPK is more or less fancy flatbreads, I don't even think what they serve should be called pizza. Never had the others listed, though I watched an Undercover Boss episode about Marco's Pizza and was interested.

 

[Kat]

So, 1992. Like I said, it's for kids with underdeveloped palates.

Last time I enjoyed Pizza Hut I got a free pan pizza from the Book It program and also picked me up a Petrie Land Before Time puppet.

Pizza Hut was my favorite pizza as a kid and I don't like it now. So, checks out for me.

A friend of mine in Seattle loves Papa John's but there isn't one close to him. So sometimes he has me bring a pizza from the one right by me when I visit. Because if there's anything that's going to improve Papa John's pizza, it's sitting in a car for over three hours.

So gross.

 

[Crystal]

Local places are always the way to be for sure. But when I'm traveling it's hard to trust them because I'm not familiar with with them to know.

Understandable, definitely. Hopefully anyone here could give you pointers if you're ever near us on good pizza places that also serve a GF crust. I know one place here for sure does GF crusts and keeps them away from other doughs and potential sources of gluten so they're safe for those with celiac.

I shamefully enjoy Pizza Hut marinara sauce and always have since I was a kid. Not so much their regular sized pizza, but I'll do a personal one every now and then. Dominos has really improved since college era but that's because garlic makes everything good no matter what. Papa John's has better side dishes than pizza. CPK is more or less fancy flatbreads, I don't even think what they serve should be called pizza. Never had the others listed, though I watched an Undercover Boss episode about Marco's Pizza and was interested.

Marco's is pretty interesting, it's a stronger flavour (IMO) than your usual chain brands, and it was tasty as a result.

Pizza Hut was my favorite pizza as a kid and I don't like it now. So, checks out for me.

A friend of mine in Seattle loves Papa John's but there isn't one close to him. So sometimes he has me bring a pizza from the one right by me when I visit. Because if there's anything that's going to improve Papa John's pizza, it's sitting in a car for three plus hours.

So gross.

It needs time to ferment so it gains some flavour.

 

[Fool's Requiem]

1. Domino's. I am a sucker for Dominos. It's cheap, it's fast, it's consistent, plenty of options for crusts and styles. Solid pasta options. I miss the really cheap cardboard crusts.
2. Papa John's. I guess I'm the only one who is okay with Papa John's. Probably less so since John was ousted (deserved), though. Free garlic butter dipping sauce goes a long way. Papa John's gets a higher placement because I've enjoyed their pies well enough, and everything besides Dominos is markedly worse, IMO.
3. Jets. It's fine. I'm not really a fan of Detroit style pizza.
4. Round Table. It's been a really long time since I've had Round Table. I know I liked it enough to go back multiple times. So it gets placed here. This is a West Coast chain.
5. Little Caesars. You get what you pay for.
6. Marcos. Had it one time. Unremarkable.
7. Pizza Hut. I grew up with Pizza Hut. I hate Pizza Hut's crust.
8. Imos. This is a Saint Louis chain that sells Saint Louis style pizza. Provel cheese is a crime against humanity, and Imos is the worst of them.

Never tried Sbarro, Villa, Cici, Papa Murphys, &pizza, Hunts, Blaze, Mod, or Chuck E Cheese. I think I've had Godfather and Hungry Howies once, but I can't put my finger on it. I had a Happy Joe's here but they closed before I had a chance to try it. I've only had California Pizza Kitchen via their frozen pies. Never felt obligated to visit an actual location.

There was a short lived chain in Cleveland that was like Mod pizza, where you order your pizza like you would at a Chipotle or SweetGreen. The crust was unremarkable.

 

[Mark]

1. Domino's. I am a sucker for Dominos. It's cheap, it's fast, it's consistent, plenty of options for crusts and styles. Solid pasta options. I miss the really cheap cardboard crusts.
2. Papa John's. I guess I'm the only one who is okay with Papa John's. Probably less so since John was ousted (deserved), though. Free garlic butter dipping sauce goes a long way. Papa John's gets a higher placement because I've enjoyed their pies well enough, and everything besides Dominos is markedly worse, IMO.
3. Jets. It's fine. I'm not really a fan of Detroit style pizza.
4. Round Table. It's been a really long time since I've had Round Table. I know I liked it enough to go back multiple times. So it gets placed here. This is a West Coast chain.
5. Little Caesars. You get what you pay for.
6. Marcos. Had it one time. Unremarkable.
7. Pizza Hut. I grew up with Pizza Hut. I hate Pizza Hut's crust.
8. Imos. This is a Saint Louis chain that sells Saint Louis style pizza. Provel cheese is a crime against humanity, and Imos is the worst of them.

Never tried Sbarro, Villa, Cici, Papa Murphys, &pizza, Hunts, Blaze, Mod, or Chuck E Cheese. I think I've had Godfather and Hungry Howies once, but I can't put my finger on it. I had a Happy Joe's here but they closed before I had a chance to try it. I've only had California Pizza Kitchen via their frozen pies. Never felt obligated to visit an actual location.

There was a short lived chain in Cleveland that was like Mod pizza, where you order your pizza like you would at a Chipotle or SweetGreen. The crust was unremarkable.

You’ve had Chuck E. Cheese’s if you went there in the 90’s/early 00’s. It used to be the same fundraiser pizza that Pizza Hut had if what I read was true. Then, during the pandemic, it was rebranded and sold under a few ghost kitchen names regionally.

 

[Fool's Requiem]

You’ve had Chuck E. Cheese’s if you went there in the 90’s/early 00’s. It used to be the same fundraiser pizza that Pizza Hut had if what I read was true. Then, during the pandemic, it was rebranded and sold under a few ghost kitchen names regionally.

we never went there. My parents never took us to those places. Only time I ever got to touch an arcade machine as a kid was when our county fair had a tend full of arcade machines.

Never touched ghost kitchens either.

 

[VashTheStampede]

Never touched ghost kitchens either.

...that you know of.

Spooooooky ghost kitchens

 

[Fool's Requiem]

...that you know of.

Spooooooky ghost kitchens

I don't order delivery unless it's from Dominos. I order take out because it's faster and I don't have to pay ridiculous DoorDash fees.

 

[Tommy Boy]

I don't order delivery unless it's from Dominos. I order take out because it's faster and I don't have to pay ridiculous DoorDash fees.

Dom's has pretty good deals for takeout, too. They still have the coupon for Two Med pies, wings, a bread, and a two liter for $20 - takeout only. That shit can totally come in clutch the day before pay day.