• This News Doesn't Suck!

    Everyone stop what you're doing! It's happening! GW's own Alu is having a baby!! Come and congratulate him here: Need some help identifying this picture.

    We're so happy for you, Alu!

Memes for Ants (& Eye’s Most Disavowed Thread)

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Mark

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Ants! said:
It's always funny to me when I go to google something and I can see all the searches my kid made.
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See, it’s never porn or dating apps or anything that would land me in any bullshit with the Mrs. It’s always something stupid. ALWAYS. She used my phone earlier to retrieve the WiFi login, and had to ask me if I wanted her to leave “memes for Ants” open because it “had a lot of notifications, so it seemed important”…

She has no idea how important it truly is.
 
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Mark said:
I wish I could annoy mine. She's immune. I'll never stop trying, though.
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You Got This Confidence GIF by South Park
 
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Nae'blis said:
A baby in the parents' bed takes up about 800% area more than it's actual size would suggest. It's like sleeping with 15 cats in a tornado.
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And their shoe size somehow feels much, much bigger when they kick you in the nuts.

Ants! said:
I got confused. I was talking about the one with newts but yall were referring to the one about annoying her.
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Oh, you got confused alright, dude. That post is in one of the catharsis threads.
 
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Mark said:
This is the one I don't understand. How can a goddamn borderline midget take up more room in the bed than me? She can never answer for her crimes.
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It's crazy how different people's sleeping habits can be. My ex wife always took up nearly the entire bed, constantly asking me to move over more until I said I was already halfway over the fucking edge and if I give her another inch I'll fall off. She was also a huge blanket thief, had to constantly fight to keep myself covered because she would take the entire thing in her sleep. She also always told me to lay on my side facing away from her so she doesn't hear me breathing. My current wife never had any of those problems.
Nae'blis said:
A baby in the parents' bed takes up about 800% area more than it's actual size would suggest. It's like sleeping with 15 cats in a tornado.
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Yeah that's crazy too. I don't know what it is about babies and their need to rotate ninety degrees and spend the entire night either drilling into you with their head or digging in with their feet.
 
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Ants! said:
It's crazy how different people's sleeping habits can be. My ex wife always took up nearly the entire bed, constantly asking me to move over more until I said I was already halfway over the fucking edge and if I give her another inch I'll fall off. She was also a huge blanket thief, had to constantly fight to keep myself covered because she would take the entire thing in her sleep. She also always told me to lay on my side facing away from her so she doesn't hear me breathing. My current wife never had any of those problems.
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Mine isn't that bad, I can snore in her ear loud enough to wake myself up, but she won't budge. I'm her white noise machine. Our issue is simply logistical, she has an 11ft reach when horizontal and unconscious, which is just unfathomable.

Ants! said:
Yeah that's crazy too. I don't know what it is about babies and their need to rotate ninety degrees and spend the entire night either drilling into you with their head or digging in with their feet.
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The starfish pose is what gets me... My daughter was 21in and 7lbs 6oz when born, and by the time she was old enough to sleep in bed, she was able to reach halfway across to smack the shit out of her mother and I while simultaneously kicking us.

Ants! said:
Is it really? Wtf is it doing there lol
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I just work here, and that's pushing it.
 
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Mark said:
This reminds me of how some zoos use Golden Retrievers to raise big cats, and within months, the cats make the dog look tiny, yet the cats all respect the dog as their parental figure. Animals are smarter than humans, I swear.
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Out of all the many things that aggravated me about my toxic old boss from my last job, the worst one was her always getting in my business and dismissing my relationship with my teen daughter (never once did I ever ask her opinion on anything outside of work, EVER, especially that). She's a child my ex wife had from a previous relationship before I met her, she was only 16 months old and her biological dad was a violent nutcase that lived up in Chicago and would never appear in her life again. So she's been my kid no differently than if I spawned her myself. Then when I had my son who is biologically mine, my boss starts chastising me saying that I only have one kid and should stop treating them equally, over things like who should get the money on my life insurance policy and things like that.

I'm super not-confrontational, so for a long time I just tried to ignore it and act like I'm not hearing her but then one day I had enough and turned around and told her very sternly and loudly that that is my kid, PERIOD, and she needs to stay out of my business. She adopted this stupid holier-than-thou look and just said "fine", and thankfully never brought it up again.

Fuck that lady (with a cactus).
 
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Ants! said:
Out of all the many things that aggravated me about my toxic old boss from my last job, the worst one was her always getting in my business and dismissing my relationship with my teen daughter (never once did I ever ask her opinion on anything outside of work, EVER, especially that). She's a child my ex wife had from a previous relationship before I met her, she was only 16 months old and her biological dad was a violent nutcase that lived up in Chicago and would never appear in her life again. So she's been my kid no differently than if I spawned her myself. Then when I had my son who is biologically mine, my boss starts chastising me saying that I only have one kid and should stop treating them equally, over things like who should get the money on my life insurance policy and things like that.

I'm super not-confrontational, so for a long time I just tried to ignore it and act like I'm not hearing her but then one day I had enough and turned around and told her very sternly and loudly that that is my kid, PERIOD, and she needs to stay out of my business. She adopted this stupid holier-than-thou look and just said "fine", and thankfully never brought it up again.

Fuck that lady (with a cactus).
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Man, despite my shitty relationship with my parents and their hypocrisy, I grew up in an area that practiced that "it takes a village" approach. A lot of kids had addicts for parents, or their parents were incarcerated or dead, so, the older people always looked out for the kids in the neighborhood. I have aunts and uncles that I'm not even biologically related to because of it, and they're better than some of the biological ones.

There's nothing wrong with what you've done for your daughter, nothing at all. I treat Kristina's daughter like my own, and her father is in the picture, despite being an abusive alcoholic. That girl deserves to know that not all men are like him, just like yours does. I think at the core of people like your old boss is a little kid that was never shown love equivalent to what they see people like you giving a non-biological child, and it burns them up, because all they can do is ask "why?" as if you have anything to do with how she was brought up.
 
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Smacktard said:
Some people are so proud to loudly let everyone know how big a piece of shit they are. How great for the rest of us that we're not left guessing.
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She's very old school, in the sense that she places WAAAAAAY too much importance on blood relations. Three of her four kids are pretty cool and I'd still consider friends who I would gladly hang out with, but her oldest son is a crazy violent pathologically-lying narcissistic psychopath who lives upstairs above their office and has had the police called on him multiple times, including by his stepson when he threatened his wife with a gun. She and her husband hired a lawyer for him to help get him off and she heavily criticized the stepson for calling the police.

If she had any sense she would kick that horrible worthless person off her property instead of giving him so much special treatment.
 
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Mark said:
Man, despite my shitty relationship with my parents and their hypocrisy, I grew up in an area that practiced that "it takes a village" approach. A lot of kids had addicts for parents, or their parents were incarcerated or dead, so, the older people always looked out for the kids in the neighborhood. I have aunts and uncles that I'm not even biologically related to because of it, and they're better than some of the biological ones.

There's nothing wrong with what you've done for your daughter, nothing at all. I treat Kristina's daughter like my own, and her father is in the picture, despite being an abusive alcoholic. That girl deserves to know that not all men are like him, just like yours does. I think at the core of people like your old boss is a little kid that was never shown love equivalent to what they see people like you giving a non-biological child, and it burns them up, because all they can do is ask "why?" as if you have anything to do with how she was brought up.
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Bonus kids are awesome. My two step kids are kinda spoiled sometimes but they're great. Their own dad was in their lives but had dropped out of it just a few months before I started dating their mom and they've only seen him once since. My step son doesn't seem to care and is unaffected by it and took to me pretty quickly, but my stepdaughter who is the youngest of the four kids took a while to accept me and still nearly three years later occasionally asks about him and misses him.

One day though she drew me a little story booklet that showed me marrying her mom and then her being born afterwards, I keep it with the rest of the little gifts she's given me.
 
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Ants! said:
Bonus kids are awesome. My two step kids are kinda spoiled sometimes but they're great. Their own dad was in their lives but had dropped out of it just a few months before I started dating their mom and they've only seen him once since. My step son doesn't seem to care and is unaffected by it and took to me pretty quickly, but my stepdaughter who is the youngest of the four kids took a while to accept me and still nearly three years later occasionally asks about him and misses him.

One day though she drew me a little story booklet that showed me marrying her mom and then her being born afterwards, I keep it with the rest of the little gifts she's given me.
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My bonus kid is so much like her mother, which is an eerie sense of deja vu because I grew up with her. Put the two side by side at the same age and they're identical. That kid loves to torment her, and she gets me in on it regularly. She reminds me of my daughter in that respect, because my daughter was a daddy's girl up until the teen years and would regularly antagonize her mother by acting like me.

Then, there are the two "nephews" that we live with. Their dad and I met 20+ years ago on the OG GW and we're like brothers, thus why we get along well enough to live together. Those boys are a trip, good kids for the most part, but, they're still shithead teenagers that need reeled in from time to time.

I wouldn't trade any of them for anything, though. Who cares if they're not blood-related? Half the time, biological family doesn't mean shit unless they need something. The family you build, though? Those kind of bonds stand the test of time.
 
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Ants! said:
My member must be pretty strong because usually she is the one saying ouch instead.
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It's not as common if you "function" in a region with rhythmic music. Basically, the closer you get to super white Utah, the closer you get to Becky potentially breaking your member. The only time it ever happened to me was with a girl that listened to country, for what it's worth. Steer clear of the girls that wanna ride horseback, it doesn't matter if you're hung like one or not... When that John Denver song hits, you're as good as dead.
 
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