So, are we going to get more peoples or is this going to fizzle out like the GW revamp?

[Fool's Requiem]

as a lefty

Southpaw gang represent!

 

[Raine]

SOME things were unnecessary, but necessitated by the staff themselves. Like the VMG. Prior to the VMG’s formation… it was hard as hell to get a consensus on topics between staff. They were intended to act as a bridge between moderation and administration… representing the 100+ moderators with a group of 12. It was an interesting concept… but, like many other things rooted in good intentions… it became a cliquey thing after the first few original members were cycled out.

I mean as an adult, having experience with HoA-like things? Yeah that sounds about right. Add in the significantly lower ages and that sounds like a grand ol' time.

Glad I didn't even remember the veteran mod thing until this post. My job was just to corral all of the stray cats in my designated spaces, and I was content with that. At least outside of the shock images phase of the internet. I could've done without some of that.

It most certainly was not a Ben invention. If anything, it was a @Cole “invention”, and I remember that detail very clearly. Newer versions of vBulletin incorporated payment options, and it allowed us to create premium member groups using separate user group “rules” for that group. He thought it would be a good idea, and it was… but when Ben took the idea over the GW and applied it… it went straight to his pocket. Over at RS… it went into an account that automatically paid the hosting bill when it was due, until the money ran out.

Yeah, that probably tracks. I think I was at least vaguely aware of most of the goings-on outside of gaming side, I just didn't interact or check daily or anything like that. Didn't see much point leaving GW-proper (although I did, repeatedly, for other projects over the years) since all of my interests at the time were still being adequately covered. Even if, y'know, traffic slowly dwindled from 2 full pages a day down to a quarter or less as things like YouTube started picking up and we moved solidly into the PS360 era.

I do distinctly remember people being pissed off at Ben about the Premium Member system. But everything outside of that was a bit too inside baseball for me.

On the flip side of this… you have people seeing it, but what are they seeing? Prime example is my view on it. I have no ill will to you, or anyone else for that matter. But… what I see is a demographic being monetized and exploited. Y’all are clearly the the token advertising mascots of a month, and as disrespectful as it sounds me saying that… imagine the disrespect meant towards you in DOING that. Y’all don’t deserve to be the “token tranny” just so Bud Light can sell a couple extra cans to a couple gay rednecks.

Sure, I get that. But it might track with what you said before, about receiving special treatment. Every little niche of people gets exploited - we have Black History Month (my god they've got Juneteenth merch! and the white-as-fuck government gave themselves the day off work?!), we have Women's History Month - in one way or another. Some are infinitely worse than others, like full-on slavery/brainwashing (see: China) awful.

We don't really get to control how others perceive us. The best we can ever hope for is that they acknowledge us, and learn about us, and come to accept us on their own. With education. With experience. This is not something we can force on others, not through numbers, not through words. It's going to take a lot of time, and... we do not have that much time, at the rate things are currently going. We'll still be here, I mean. It's not like denying trans people the right to bodily autonomy, forcing us all to de-transition or kill ourselves, will actually remove us from existence. People just won't know unless they find our little online support groups.

I’d much rather see a trans actor in a role playing a trans character no different than seeing a straight person playing a straight character. It’s much more honest, and gives the dignity everyone deserves. Point being… I don’t wanna see your demographic or anyone else’s just settle for a mascot position because y’all are thankful that it’s not AS common y’all will end up like Matthew Shepherd nowadays. You know what I mean?

I would like there to be one fewer trans (Enby) actor in Hollywood, sadly. Having the likes of Ezra Miller there for representation... I need the Monkey's Paw to stop. Just, cramp up or something for fuck's sake. For a week, even? A day?!

But yeah. I mean, look - I want things. A lot of things. But part of being like this, with no power, is having to accept scraps. We're at a unique disadvantage because, functionally... we're anomalies. We're not necessarily intentionally created? I mean, fuck, look, this sounds horrendous. IS HORRENDOUS. But it's true. Even when we're capable of reproducing, we do not produce trans children. Transgenderism, as I guess we would define it for ease of understanding (even if... nevermind), is not hereditary. We cannot conceivably grow in population. And because of all of our traumas, I think you would be hard pressed to find a single trans person anywhere on the spectrum that would want additional people to go through this shit.

In an ideal situation, in an ideal world, in an absolutely perfect world: We would find a "Cure" for being transgender. We would be able to identify some kind of common mutation markers in parents, or in the fetus, and ensure that everyone is born with the correct bodies. We are going to, uh, ignore that something like Swyer Syndrome (XY Chromosone females) exists. That is much further down the iceberg. Things get so much more murky and muddy and fucked up.

We would erase trans people the proper way.

I don't think that's something we can ever do. I'm not truly certain it's something we should do - that's super awfully close to open the floodgates to Eugenics. But, y'know. Keep this in mind because this is not something you would ever hear spitballed in a place that matters. All you will ever hear is how to, like, cure our mental derangement or some shit. Nothing actually about helping us.

That’s the point I’m getting at, though… as confusing at the political landscape is… it’s oddly enough the right wing that gives the fewest fucks about y’all, and that’s how it SHOULD be.

Mmhm. But the problem, of course, is that they can absolutely and irrevocably destroy us with a single sheet of parchment. They don't care, they've never cared, but we are very nice political fodder. We're an election cycle Single Issue Voter footnote.

I’ll agree with one sentiment from the far right… Fuck Joe Biden.

So about that - now that I've outed myself as trans, Socialist, gay *checks notes* that's it so far - I can now reveal something funny.

I actually agree with the far right and even the alt-right on a large number of topics! You know what the only problem is? We've come to similar enough conclusions from the exact opposite ends of the issue, identified wholly different causation, and are completely incapable of working together.

Also some of their conspiracy theories dictate that we have to die. BUT ASIDE FROM THAT SMALL DETAIL!

Exactly… division based on sex and size makes sense in some sports, but not all. Let’s take the NFL for example… let’s say they hire a female kicker… and that kicker gets leveled going for 3 at 3rd and long by a defensive back. Imagine the uproar. But… there’s no reason whatsoever there couldn’t be a female pitcher in the MLB.

Conversely, I'm not aware of there being a male Softball league. There might be, I'm not into sports enough to know.
(I have a history in/with Taekwondo and a general interest in martial arts though)

Also, we have Touch Football. Accidents and assholes aside, does that allow female participants? If not, why? That's the "pussy" version of football, should not people in possession of such things be involved?

The unfortunate thing with that is that we live in a fucked up world. Just because YOU won’t say or do anything inappropriate to my daughter in a public bathroom doesn’t mean that some sick fuck out there won’t pose as trans to gain access to a unisex bathroom. You very may be right about the sexual function of trans people, you would know way better than I would… but fact of the matter… if we went down a road where I could throw on a dress and have free reign in a women’s bathroom as I appear now and it couldn’t be questioned because if you did… you’re a bigot… who’s to say some opportunistic shithead doesn’t do the same? It always seems far-fetched… until it happens.

Sure, again, I won't deny that Florida exists. Florida Man gets into all kinds of strange hijinx.

The thing is, nothing actually stops a man from entering the women's bathroom right now. In the same way that a lock only protects you from honest people. If the concern is that men will rape women in a location, functionally, the only option is to remove that location. The possibility is always there for the rape itself. The parameters only begin to change if we start adding qualifiers and caveats.

So, if we change it to: "Scenario in which man can rape woman and not get caught and beaten to death like he fucking deserves."

Then, we arrive at the most common type of rape. From people already inside the same house as the woman. Family members, friends, their partner. Consent is consent; just because a couple is married, they don't own one another. If she says no, and the husband does it anyway... that's rape. The other combinations exist, are obvious, and I prefer to think about them as little as possible.

This whole point is depressing, because it’s a game at the end of the day, and y’all should be able to be active and participate in sports no differently than anyone else… in your height, weight, skill level, etc.

Now see, this is actually an interesting and worthwhile distinction. IS competitive sporting a game? Because games, ostensibly, exist for recreation and to have fun. Which is in opposition to competitions, wherein (high) stakes are involved. Consider the differences between a casual game of Poker with the boys, and being out on the World Poker Tour. You play differently. You're not there for fun. You're there to get money (by being very quite good at a game, actually).

So then... is it okay if we let men, women, and everyone play together in non-serious community leagues? Because I don't hear this being asked on TV/the internet either.

And I mean, yeah, I'm being a little pedantic here. But also... really. Where's the line? Why is the line where it is?

You’re exactly where I wanted you to be reading that, because you’re looking beyond your body and your intentions and your heart and acknowledging the darkness that is really out there… and how important it is to protect children from predatory people, because if it hasn’t happened yet… it will happen… some fucked up parent with fucked up morals will inevitably attempt to transition their kid… and those are the ones we want to protect. Your reaction tells me that you even want to protect kids from that, which in itself is proof that not every trans person is inherently evil or fucked in the head… but the grim reality is… not every predator is a Republican or Democrat or straight white guy or straight white girl or whatever. Predators adapt to their environment to stalk their prey.

So like, absolutely. I've done the walkthrough of how I came up, of wanting to be the guardian/enforcer. I'm... I'm not strong anymore lol. But, if something bad is happening nearby, I would want to help. I would help, even if it got me hurt or killed, because I'm intimately familiar with the Bystander Effect. (Generally: The more people are around, the less likely anyone will do anything because they all assume someone else will.)

I think the odds of someone doing it is infinitesimally small, and smaller still for them succeeding. However, it is not 0.00~ in terms of possibility.

I'm not willing to give up my right(s) to exist because someone might misuse the tools we have available to help ourselves. However, I am willing - I mean not me personally, I'm not a doctor or scientist, I can't offer anything worthwhile to the cause - to explore possible, uh, remedies I guess we'll call them, if people find themselves forcefully transformed. Bonus points, that would cover the concerns regarding people with regret that want to de-transition too.

...I mean, again, I think this is not something actually possible. I think it also opens some gates we maybe shouldn't open even if we could. Effectively at this point we would have a drug that could reverse puberty. That's... that would be a thing, wouldn't it?

We're entirely off the rails tonight lol

So you’d almost have to feign dysphoria to get treatment in some settings, which in itself could trigger… what would we call that? Late-stage dysphoria? Delayed? Dormant?

Mm, functionally would still just be dysphoria. I mean whether you have disassociation with your body because its natural chemicals/hormones/yadda-yadda made it look like something that doesn't match your cognition, or you change it and then it doesn't match, it's the same phenomenon. This would, in theory, also be why a small subset potentially de-transition of their own will as well. What they see in the mirror still causes that dysphoria, there's regret, better the enemy you know, etc., etc.

But yes, the laws and guidance and for-profit Healthcare make it so that there are scenarios in which a person may need to... stretch the truth a little to get the care they need. Alternatively, our entire continued existence may in fact hinge on a single doctor's evaluation of our mental state. If you, Mark, sat down in front of a therapist, had a super long talk, and this doctor decided you were female... you can see how this might be a problem, considering you yourself know this is not true. Right?

Like most thing, it's a house of cards. You push or pull or blow too hard and something might give way. It's not really tenable long-term, but that's the system we've made for ourselves had made for us.

That’s what triggered the topic… conversing about whether or not it made a straight male a bigot for acting unfavorably. The bottom line for me with that is it’s a blatant breach of trust to conceal those details. That alone dooms the relationship before it even begins. Then… there’s the predatory aspect of it. We can’t say for certain there aren’t chasers on the opposite side of the spectrum. If there’s a fetish for straight men to go after trans women, you better believe the reverse exists. There’s a fetish for EVERYTHING. When “ballooning” exists… there’s a space for everything.

So, if I'm being completely honest... trans panic, as it would be known, does indicate a certain level of prejudice. Especially if, in this scenario, the immediate response is assault.

THAT BEING SAID

The sense of betrayal, the inconsideration, everything else - that's all true and real and valid. I'm not here to cast judgment on the hypothetical action you take when you expect a vagina and get a penis instead. It's understandable.

It's really only "problematic," I guess, if the entire category of women is dismissed entirely without consideration. This would fall into the same category as, say, black women. "I don't find black women attractive" is not a great statement. It may be true that most black women do not possess features that you would typically find to be attractive, however, it is also not likely that there are genuinely no black women that would catch your eye. It's... a function of phrasing more than anything. How people react to the phrasing is also potentially a problem.

That makes sense, right? It's not super helpful to rush immediately to "BIGOT!" or "RACIST!," of course, but we do all have prejudices and people should probably self-evaluate if it's a recurring thing.

Alternatively, just stop talking to Karen.

I wouldn’t look at it that way, dude. We’ve already established what my preferences are, and I know I’m not every woman’s cup of tea. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. Sexually. Whatever the case may be. You don’t want what doesn’t want you… only concern yourself with someone that sees you for you and accepts you regardless of what others may say or what you may think of yourself. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST. If you do that, then you’ll eventually find happiness in someone else, but until then… you won’t waste your time chasing what doesn’t exist.

I don't have anything to add, I'm just quoting it so I don't have to write it myself.

 

[Crystal]

Haha, indeed. Indeed.

I never felt like a man, I just kept trying to emulate what I thought a man was. It was... a title, or a job, more than a thing that you were. If that makes sense? I think I kind of just thought that was what everyone did, that that was normal. When you lack even the kernel of the concept, when there's nothing for a spark to ignite, there's no hope of finding the path. Or, at least, there wasn't for me. I'm not stupid, but I was definitely only just as smart as it took to know something was wrong. I was blessed to have a great family, and I'll talk shit about them any chance I get but I do think all of the professionals were doing their best to help. But none of us had the right answer, and it almost got a lot of people killed. And maybe the worst part, nobody in the entire world would know why to prevent it from happening again.

Oh absolutely, I fell into that same hole for most of my life, I knew I was different, and fortunately I found out what that different was at a decent age, just couldn't act on it, and so likewise felt "well, ok, I feel this way, but I was born as this, so I have to try and be this." Doesn't work. But I tried. I know and I respect that struggle oh so well, I'm glad you have a supportive family.

The day I came real close to becoming a family annihilator, everything shattered. Everything I thought I knew, everything I thought I was. It took... an extremely long time to get out of that crater. To convince myself that it was worth trying to piece myself back together, even if that resurrected that fucking thing** inside me. If my family hadn't stuck with me, I don't know what exactly would've happened. I mean aside from being in prison (because, ostensibly, they covered for me hardcore whilst the rest of the neighborhood watched and gossiped) and exiled and shit.

But, that's also why I know that I'm not wired the same way as some (most?) others. Never once did the idea of self-harm occur to me. When I completely lost my sense of self, when I fully succumbed* to it**, the animal or spiritual or whatever instinct didn't drive me to an end. It drove me to lash out at any and everything nearby instead without my knowledge or input. For me there was the trigger, the aftermath, and nothing in between.

It's rarer to have a homicidal reaction than a suicidal one, but it's not unheard of, sadly. The only solution is to lean into the situation and face it head on, as you have done. Does it fix everything 100%? Of course not, I'm sure you know that very well, but we still have our issues no matter what we do. I guess I get "lucky" in that my brain goes suicidal rather than homicidal, but yeah, for most trans people it's almost a universal constant that we're going to be desperate to get out of our situation any way possible.

So I haven't specifically said it before, but yes - I don't speak for all trans people. Just myself. Like everything else, transgender people aren't a monolith. If you ask 100 of us how we came to be and what our perspectives are, you're probably going to wind up with nearly 100 different answers.

Accurate! That's why I always preface my responses with that exact thought. I cannot speak for trans people anymore than one "straight white male" can speak for all "straight white males."

I'm of course also open to questions or thoughts. Following from the above, while I may upset myself in the process of figuring out an answer, I don't personally mind difficult or pointed questions. But please, please understand that this is not true of just any trans person. All trans people have trauma and all of our existences are probably founded on it beyond some members of the very most recent generation. Most of us are simply not mentally prepared to go through it again, and they may not always(/ever) act positively if things are phrased certain ways, or certain trigger words are used that you yourself could have absolutely no way of knowing in advance. If it makes it easier, think of it in the same vein as PTSD.

SOOOO important for people to keep this in mind. I've gone through death threats and and hate groups, so I can handle the questions, but there are a lot of trans people who are still coming to terms with themselves and cannot handle the agony of going back down that road again. So always, always ask if it's ok before starting in on questions. I'm fine with questions, so ask away!

I would prefer my pronouns be She/Her, and I'll probably give someone a stern (or sad...) look if they deadname*** me, but I won't cause a scene or otherwise acknowledge the faux pas and continue with the exchange. Being referred to as the/a wrong gender or deadnaming will have vastly different outcomes for others.

Yeah, I kind of make my deadname known, but I don't want to be known AS it. I am Crystal, she/her, that's what I prefer because that's what I am.