Hello again, friends.

[Ben]

What up, GameWinners. I know I've been around for a few days and clearly made my return known in other threads before now, but I thought I'd jump on the formal introduction train.

I am Ben or for a while Blind Guardian, and I was at one time an admin. To summarize, we'll just say the stress of the unpaid work got to me and I wasn't running the place the way it deserved.

That meme isn't actually far off reality. Tommy Boy linked me here and asked me to consider returning and passed on a message from Disgustipated. I immediately was just going to ignore it like I did the last time when he told me the forums were shutting down. Then something made me click his link and read around. That's when I started to learn of the taste I left in everyone's mouths. It seemed strong, like you'd licked analgesic heat rub for temporary relief from muscle and joint pain.

I closed my browser and told Tommy thanks but nah. Then Chris added me as a friend on Facebook and I didn't ignore it as I'm prone to do. He said yo and we talked for the first time in like 18 years. Even though I told Chris I wasn't feeling coming back too, I think it sparked a flame in me for that nostalgia of being a happy kid playing games with friends, before it all went to shit.

I even gave my fiancée the whole "if you were about to walk into your high-school reunion and you heard everyone talking shit about you, would you still go in?" scenario, and she told me I should just walk away.

But around 2:30am some part of me said fuck running for once, and I registered with a post I'd sat writing in a Google Doc for like 2 hours. I think I realized this community was once truly important to me, and I wasn't going to let my pride get in the way this time, like it did to make you all pissed in the first place.

And I'm back now. I'm older, I've learned a lot about myself, as I think we all have. I also smoke a ton of weed now so I'm generally more chill. I'm living in upstate NY and have 3 kids. Life has been a fucking ride since I left here, and maybe I'll share shit as I remember it.

Thanks for having me!

Edit: 50th post!

 

[Crystal]

I'm glad you joined, and like others have said, it took a hell of a lot to step up and face a lot of what was said head on. You're a great person and I'm glad you've found it in you to come back and enjoy, well pseudo-GW again. No matter what went on you're still a big, big part of GW and I'm happy you're here. So officially -- Welcome Home

 

[Ben]

I'm glad you joined, and like others have said, it took a hell of a lot to step up and face a lot of what was said head on. You're a great person and I'm glad you've found it in you to come back and enjoy, well pseudo-GW again. No matter what went on you're still a big, big part of GW and I'm happy you're here. So officially -- Welcome Home

Thank you!

I really wish I had a better memory than I do, because I barely remembered it was you I'd picked to take my place. Clearly I wasn't a complete idiot back then and knew what was best for the forums long-term after all!

 

[Crystal]

Thank you!

I really wish I had a better memory than I do, because I barely remembered it was you I'd picked to take my place. Clearly I wasn't a complete idiot back then and knew what was best for the forums long-term after all!

In all honesty it should've been Coleman, he was the perfect choice, but I appreciated getting the chance, and I just went ahead and brought Cole up anyway, lol. We tried, but GW was already circling the drain. We got 7 good years out of her, but...still nothing. At least we get one more shot

 

[Ben]

In all honesty it should've been Coleman, he was the perfect choice, but I appreciated getting the chance, and I just went ahead and brought Cole up anyway, lol. We tried, but GW was already circling the drain. We got 7 good years out of her, but...still nothing. At least we get one more shot

Yeah, in all honestly it should have. That friendship was one of the biggest victims of my losing it to pride and so on. The more I think on it, the more I wonder if my feeling like a slave to the forums didn't just fester in the face of Coleman's commitment and enjoyment of it. Had I had my mind about me, that drive should have been channeled and not fought.

In some timeline there's a Ben with a monocle who remained alive and GameWinners is a thriving utopia.

 

[Crystal]

Yeah, in all honestly it should have. That friendship was one of the biggest victims of my losing it to pride and so on. The more I think on it, the more I wonder if my feeling like a slave to the forums didn't just fester in the face of Coleman's commitment and enjoyment of it. Had I had my mind about me, that drive should have been channeled and not fought.

Yeah, there was a real chance for a great partnership between the two of you, both extremely smart and focused people, I could've seen that taking GW to some interesting places! But life happens, I can't fault someone for feeling burnout, feeling discouraged when things are hard inside and out. I'm dysthymic, I get depressed and suicidal frequently, so I understand that feeling of almost resentment when others are thriving and you feel as though it'll never happen for you. Don't kick yourself for it, things happened as they were supposed to, and look where we are now

In some timeline there's a Ben with a monocle who remained alive and GameWinners is a thriving utopia.

That timeline would be something special, for sure! GW under you (and Cole ) would've been a better option than me driving that death knell in, lol.

I really wish I had a better memory than I do, because I barely remembered it was you I'd picked to take my place

Forgot to touch on this part, I'm not surprised you don't remember that much about me, lol, I wasn't exactly a social butterfly back then. Very much under the radar, I think you PMing me about replacing you was the second time we'd spoken directly in that entire time. The other being when you asked me to do something as a smod, I did it and you didn't see the reply so you called me out for not doing it, lol

 

[Ben]

Yeah, there was a real chance for a great partnership between the two of you, both extremely smart and focused people, I could've seen that taking GW to some interesting places!

Maybe that force would have been too powerful, and the universe had to fuck it up.

 

[Crystal]

lol, fair enough, maybe we saved the world!

 

[poj]

Welcome back. When it was good, it was good. You, me and Mystic modding C&P.

Braver than me as well, I chickened out of making the move across the pond!

 

[Scott]

Welcome back I feel like we used to chat on occasion sometimes, but hell if I remember anything properly from that far back.

But it's good to see you, and I'm glad you've found yourself in a good place now

 

[Mark]

I’m glad you came back, read and processed everything, and then stuck around. I think it’s important that you’re here for this… consider it a form or making up for lost time for all of us.

I don’t think it’s fair for @Crystal to feel like she’s the last one watching that flatline hit the screen. We all contributed, good and bad, to the entity that what once was.

Like I said elsewhere… each one of us admins left unfinished business on the table at GW. Each one of us admins made decisions that weren’t the best or were fueled by a knee-jerk emotional reaction. It’s par for the course when it comes to what we were doing… working for free. When you’re investing your time and effort into something, it’s easy to take things personal and it’s easy to make decisions based on what you think should happen.

This is our opportunity to come together and work towards a new iteration of what got us through those teenage years… and now it’s becoming something to get us through that time after work, that time after the kids go to bed, or whatever the case may be.

We can’t do anything about the past, but we sure as hell can make up for it and do better now, and your registering here was the first step to that.

Glad to have you back, dude.

 

[Bandicoot]

I think the important part is that we’re all older and wiser. Kinda gives you a new ticket. I think we probably interacted more in your BG era, and when I made occasional returns you were “Ben” - never really knew you at that point but I didn’t get positive vibes. But like I say, that was ten years ago.

 

[Cole]

we've already talked a bit in private but I'll chime in here.

as I said to you, I can apologize for the *way* I said things about you, but it's hard for me to completely apologize for *what* I said because I felt it at the time. and as much as I loved GW, my resentment and contempt for you wasn't about the forums as much as it was losing some one I considered a good friend for a reason I didn't understand.

I tell people all the time, to this day, there are SO many reasons to not like me that I never blame any one.

but not knowing the reasons *you* had sucked, and it did make me resentful and I probably shouldn't have been so publicly vocal saying "omg what an asshole".

I am glad you're here, I am glad you consider yourself to be in a better place, and like Payton, I am glad I have a chance to at least get back to a casual friendship with you.

you live a lot closer to me now, and I will be in NYC semi regularly, so I'm sure there's always a chance we could say hey.

 

[Major Isoor]

I mean, I've already spoken to you elsewhere here, but I'm glad you returned, Ben. Yeah, towards/around the end things weren't super good -with your burn-out playing no small part, I'm sure- but GW isn't complete without its Blind Guardian, in my opinion It's good to have you back - I'm 100% glad you made the tough call to register

 

[Jawneh]

Hey dood. I only ever knew you in name and as someone with a light blue colored bold username. Sure, I did eventually learn of some of the nastier things, but at least overall until then I had nothing against you. And now after reading through what you've posted all around in many threads I can only admire you for stepping forward potentially into fire and owning up to it all.

But none of that has nothing to do with me so fuck it. I am glad that we have another old bag back here in our wet ass nostalgia hole.

 

[Ben]

old bag back here in our wet ass nostalgia hole.

I regret having to read those words in that order...

 

[Major Isoor]

Understandable!

 

[Jawneh]

I regret having to read those words in that order...

Yet you can't have enough of it after all these years.

 

[Crystal]

Now that the avatar's back I want to see the Fuhrerious custom title (or whatever it was), too, lol.

 

[Ben]

Now that the avatar's back I want to see the Fuhrerious custom title (or whatever it was), too, lol.

I believe I'd set that myself, following mara getting me into The Whitest Kids You Know. Didn't really mean it to become my brand...

Definitely grew past that kind of humor, so nah!

I also either don't have the custom title permission as a member (probable), or I didn't look hard enough.

 

[Mark]

I believe I'd set that myself, following mara getting me into The Whitest Kids You Know. Didn't really mean it to become my brand...

Definitely grew past that kind of humor, so nah!

I also either don't have the custom title permission as a member (probable), or I didn't look hard enough.

Should be under account details.

 

[Ben]

View attachment 996

Should be under account details.

Word. Thank you. I thought I'd seen it before, but hadn't found my way back to the account page again.

No fucking clue what else I ever used, though. The Diablo avatar wasn't even the one I recalled using, that was a sigil from Hellsing.

I'm not ready for this kind of pressure. The thought of making another signature when I'm now even more of a perfectionist is daunting.

 

[Cole]

Word. Thank you. I thought I'd seen it before, but hadn't found my way back to the account page again.

No fucking clue what else I ever used, though. The Diablo avatar wasn't even the one I recalled using, that was a sigil from Hellsing.

I'm not ready for this kind of pressure. The thought of making another signature when I'm now even more of a perfectionist is daunting.

I'm sure if you looked through some peoples screenshots, you can figure out what the old one was. but thats the one I remember

 

[Mark]

Word. Thank you. I thought I'd seen it before, but hadn't found my way back to the account page again.

No fucking clue what else I ever used, though. The Diablo avatar wasn't even the one I recalled using, that was a sigil from Hellsing.

I'm not ready for this kind of pressure. The thought of making another signature when I'm now even more of a perfectionist is daunting.

Yeaaah, that’s another thing I’m not really a fan of with XenForo. The entire profile area seemed MUCH more refined on vB. There are too many sections for what seems like fewer overall settings. There are more push notification settings than anything.

 

[Crystal]

Yeaaah, that’s another thing I’m not really a fan of with XenForo. The entire profile area seemed MUCH more refined on vB. There are too many sections for what seems like fewer overall settings. There are more push notification settings than anything.

Unfortunately yeah, they've taken the Twitter approach to profiles which I guess makes sense, but it's not as personalized as vB used to be

 

[Crystal]

I believe I'd set that myself, following mara getting me into The Whitest Kids You Know. Didn't really mean it to become my brand...

Definitely grew past that kind of humor, so nah!

I also either don't have the custom title permission as a member (probable), or I didn't look hard enough.

Fair enough, and Blind Guardian (and Demons and Wizards) are awesome enough to be a fitting subject matter for a title, as well!

 

[Ben]

I'm sure if you looked through some peoples screenshots, you can figure out what the old one was. but thats the one I remember

This was the other one I remembered using for a while, probably more in the BG days.

Signatures, who freaking knows. I looked through some of Holly's screenshots which is where I found this, but they were all taken long after I was gone. The avatar and title were still there, but I might have turned off my signature at the end. I'll have to dig around the other old repositories when I have more time and see what I can find.

I know I used a lot of live-updating php pictures linked up to gaming profiles displaying stuff... Disgustipated I think got me into keeping a now-playing for music in my signature for a while (I think that program was foobar? I think it replaced my WinAmp.)

I'll make something one day. Gotta flex my dusty graphic design muscles.

 

[Cole]

I *HAVE* some of my old signatures.

I kinda want to activate my Simpsons rotator again, but I have no fucking idea where I can find free hosting to set up th e images and t he .php file so I can do it. and I cant be fussed to figure it out.

 

[Crystal]

I *HAVE* some of my old signatures.

I kinda want to activate my Simpsons rotator again, but I have no fucking idea where I can find free hosting to set up th e images and t he .php file so I can do it. and I cant be fussed to figure it out.

...hello? Server space here ...

 

[Cole]

...hello? Server space here ...

wait is that a thing?

 

[Crystal]

wait is that a thing?

You know the owner, you've got the hookup

 

[Cole]

You know the owner, you've got the hookup

I've never talked to Alu Amalu

 

[Ben]

...hello? Server space here ...

Those are interesting pronouns.

 

[Crystal]

Those are interesting pronouns.

Its all about having the most unique pronouns these days!

 

[Cole]

Its all about having the most unique pronouns these days!

yeah why go with xhe when you can go with "server space" and "here"

 

[Ben]

yeah why go with xhe when you can go with "server space" and "here"

I realized how dumb and illogical it was after posting, but you were all too fast for me to delete it. What the hell is this reason I had to think of?

Edit: It's fun when you're about to delete something and see the replies with quotes come in real-time without having to refresh. Not like GW days.

 

[Crystal]

I realized how dumb and illogical it was after posting, but you were all too fast for me to delete it. What the hell is this reason I had to think of?

Edit: It's fun when you're about to delete something and see the replies with quotes come in real-time without having to refresh. Not like GW days.

We live in the future!

 

[Mark]

I realized how dumb and illogical it was after posting, but you were all too fast for me to delete it. What the hell is this reason I had to think of?

Edit: It's fun when you're about to delete something and see the replies with quotes come in real-time without having to refresh. Not like GW days.

It still takes a little getting used to, though… you have to be a lot quicker nowadays.

 

[Cole]

I realized how dumb and illogical it was after posting, but you were all too fast for me to delete it. What the hell is this reason I had to think of?

Edit: It's fun when you're about to delete something and see the replies with quotes come in real-time without having to refresh. Not like GW days.

Ben, we were a lot alike in our horrible people days, which is probably why we conflicted so much.

Here's my advice to having a lot more fun on *THESE* forums these days.

when you think of something stupid to say

Just fucking say it. Who cares what happens after that.

I admitted to seeing dog penises the other day.

 

[Crystal]

Ben, we were a lot alike in our horrible people days, which is probably why we conflicted so much.

Here's my advice to having a lot more fun on *THESE* forums these days.

when you think of something stupid to say

Just fucking say it. Who cares what happens after that.

I admitted to seeing dog penises the other day.

Very much this, minus dog penis

 

[Mark]

I admitted to seeing dog penises the other day.

…and this place isn’t gonna be the same after that. Not even a month.

 

[Tirith]

I even gave my fiancée the whole "if you were about to walk into your high-school reunion and you heard everyone talking shit about you, would you still go in?" scenario, and she told me I should just walk away.

If that were me in that situation (assuming I actually went because I fucking hated everyone there), I'd walk right the fuck in and be like "fuck all y'all".

Either way, glad you did come back. I never had any beef personally, I believe I stepped away near the early days of power hungry Ben. Now, Isis on the other hand.... I have no nice things to say.

It takes either strength to look back and who you used to be, or insanity, to return to somewhere like this, and I won't fault you for whichever one it was that brought you here

 

[Ben]

when you think of something stupid to say

Just fucking say it. Who cares what happens after that.

Honestly it was second guessing if it'd come of insensitive and not just unfunny. It's 2023 and we try to be woke, yo.

I admitted to seeing dog penises the other day.

Were there dogs attached, or just the penises?

 

[Cole]

Honestly it was second guessing if it'd come of insensitive and not just unfunny. It's 2023 and we try to be woke, yo.

Were there dogs attached, or just the penises?

they were attached. I searched "penis dogs" hoping to find dogs that looked like penises.

Instead I found dogs with penises.

 

[Tirith]

Strangely enough, my male dog is 3.5 years old, and I've never once seen his penis....

 

[Crystal]

Honestly it was second guessing if it'd come of insensitive and not just unfunny. It's 2023 and we try to be woke, yo.

If it ever comes down to that and it involves me specifically, fuck it, go all in. Doesn't bother me. Its funny because I pointed out Cole misgendering me and made him feel guilty. Its a super power in today's world, but fuck it, say what you want about me or gender or pronouns around me. I can't speak for other trans people, but I am not made of glass, a hate group didn't break me, some pronoun jokes sure won't. This is GW, come at me!

 

[Ben]

they were attached. I searched "penis dogs" hoping to find dogs that looked like penises.

Instead I found dogs with penises.

You gotta use StableDiffusion to get a real catdog kinda thing but dogpenis.

 

[Tirith]

If it ever comes down to that and it involves me specifically, fuck it, go all in. Doesn't bother me. Its funny because I pointed out Cole misgendering me and made him feel guilty. Its a super power in today's world, but fuck it, say what you want about me or gender or pronouns around me. I can't speak for other trans people, but I am not made of glass, a hate group didn't break me, some pronoun jokes sure won't. This is GW, come at me!

It's perhaps best to have this mentality. The pronoun thing has gone stupid far in my opinion, but I wouldn't ever misgender someone intentionally.

I don't think I know how to take offense at anything, though.

Edit: Life is far too short to get butthurt by people that don't mean a damn thing to you. And if they did, you can always cut ties.

 

[Mark]

Honestly it was second guessing if it'd come of insensitive and not just unfunny. It's 2023 and we try to be woke, yo.

I don’t even think @Crystal is “woke” by today’s definition judging by what I’ve read from her.

Were there dogs attached, or just the penises?

Do you REALLY wanna find out? You do realize there is NO Al keeping us from seeing fucked up content, right?

 

[Tirith]

I don’t even think @Crystal is “woke” by today’s definition judging by what I’ve read from her.

I don't even understand what "woke" means anymore. Isn't it just a blanket term for one side for anything that is disagreeable?