How do you cope with a serious illness in the family?

[TD]

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[Cole]

my moms illness wasn't necessarily a death sentence, MS doesn't itself cause death, but it causes enough issues that it will be the primary factor.

it wasn't hidden, everyone knew.

it's not easy, it'll be hard all the time. talk to whatever friends you have, family, whatever. anyone you love and trust, even if they're not "supposed" to know, tell them. talk to them.

TRUST ME when I tell you not to shoulder this by yourself.

if you ever wanna talk you can hit me up. DM, discord, whatever other platform you want.

@Crystal and I are kinda experts on ill moms. we got you

 

[TD]

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[Crystal]

As Cole said, we're both VERY well versed on having mothers that are gravely ill. We're both here for you, anytime you need anything at all. My contact details are in my signature if you want to chat outside of GWF, or if you want to keep it all here or even in a three-way convo with Cole and myself, we can help!

 

[TD]

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[Boots]

No one can determine your support system except for you. You choose who to tell and who not to tell. Please don't shoulder this alone. You deserve to have support.

 

[Crystal]

Its a hard, hard road, and as Cole said, do not take it on alone, it will be too much! It takes a village to raise a child and another to cope with aging. Never be afraid of personal time, needing room to breathe, or making the hard decisions. They may not thank you for making those decisions, but they know, deep deep down that you're doing what is best for them. You've got support here, always!

 

[Mark]

Beyond echoing what everyone else has already said about not shouldering the burden by yourself, which is absolutely the most important thing for YOU in this juncture, I also want to point out that you’re already on the right track by reaching out.

There is no one set way to cope with what you’re going through, so the best thing you can do is take notes of what works for others and compare those to what you feel would be effective for you. Introverted? Try music or video games. Extroverted? Try being around friends, family, etc. Custom tailor what you do for you based on how each instance affects you.

The most important thing for you to keep in mind is that although you feel a certain responsibility to help your family member and your family share the weight of what’s going on, you have to take care of yourself first and foremost… you’re no good to anyone if you’re no good for yourself. Even IF someone in your family gets upset with you for not being available all the time, you owe a responsibility to yourself, too. There’s a reason both Cole and Crystal are giving you such strong advice… they both know the toll it takes on the support system, and that even the support system needs support.

 

[TD]

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[Crystal]

Mark's spot on, focus on what makes you happy when you get the free time. Anything that can clear your head and help you de-stress. Do you like spice? Supposedly in Korea when they get stressed or want to prevent stress they eat very spicy foods. It makes sense, honestly, your mind goes to that completely, not life events. Might be worth a try. Anything to make sure your free time is completely free. Its a hard, hard road, the self is very important.

 

[Raine]

Echoing the general sentiment of there not being a one size fits all glove with things like this. Everyone processes it differently; not talking about it usually has elements of both denial and hope, and in either case trying to broach the subject with them will go poorly until they're ready.

So if you're of the opposite mindset, then it's definitely important to reach out to and confide in friends. There isn't anything you can really do, but sitting on your hands and bottling it all up just doesn't sit well with some folks. If your mother is willing, ask her if you can accompany her the next time she visits the doctor/oncologist. Assuming you haven't already! Getting first-hand information and reasonable expectations without the filter can go a long way towards providing comfort for yourself. There's no shame in seeking counseling/therapy either.

Also, while obvious, whether it's a grim prognosis or not spend as much time as you can with her. Have dinner, watch a movie, go to bingo if that's her jam. Just make memories and take your mind off of things a bit together. My family watched my grandmother - the matriarch that kept everyone together and going - die fairly slowly and miserably over a couple of years to a combination of heart failure and breast cancer. Towards the end I couldn't bring myself to go visit her whenever she was in the hospital, because of this, that and the other thing. She ultimately passed at home with me in the room, but I still very much regret having held back at all. Of allowing there to be any room for bad memories to have a seat at the table.

 

[TD]

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[Fool's Requiem]

My mom had ovarian cancer (I think it was ovarian, it was definitely something regarding her reproductive system). I was more annoyed that I got notified in a group text from my dad instead of a call or something.

For her ovarian and her later Hodgkins lymphoma, I didn't react too much. Like it sucks, but I definitely felt like she was going to make it through fine. As far as I know, she's fine, I haven't received any more bad news regarding her health in over a year. She just keeps occasionally sending me messages about the impending rapture.

 

[Mark]

Spice is an interesting call out. My wife and I have a bunch of hot sauces in the fridge. Maybe a wings and hot sauce night is in my very near future. Worth a shot at this point.

I’ve heard something about this before… if I’m remembering correctly it has something to do with the chemical released in your brain when eat spicy food being the same as one of the “feel good” chemicals.

Warp, thanks for sharing your insight and experience. I'm definitely spending as much time as possible. I actually just booked off the next 2 days from work to have an extended weekend where I can spend some time with her after she just finished saying how nice it was. I'll see about going to appointments too and focusing on the things she likes to do.

Yeah, just a tip… depending on your relationship with her, you might want to consider easing into that kinda stuff. It might seem trivial, but it may give her the impression that you’re suddenly caring MORE than you did before. This could simply be coming from a fucked up family speaking, but in my experiences… those with terminal illnesses don’t wanna feel like it “took them dying” for family to get closer, while they’re still grateful, it also depresses them when they’re sitting around reflecting. As far as getting together and doing activities… that’s a great idea, and something that both of y’all will cherish as long as you guys don’t look at it as a bucket list, which will likely take some conscious effort at first… but will evolve to y’all just having fun together.

It’s a tough balancing act for sure, but empathizing will go a long way when you can’t truly put yourself in her shoes, so you have to consider all of the angles.

My mom had ovarian cancer (I think it was ovarian, it was definitely something regarding her reproductive system). I was more annoyed that I got notified in a group text from my dad instead of a call or something.

That’s definitely harsh… but not surprising if your dad is the emotionally devoid type. Impersonal means like that are usually a way of keeping that wall up. Be thankful you were at least given the respect of communication, though. I had to find out that my dad only has 25% kidney function through someone else. Some people wake up to a call that their loved one died. Some even find out years later if they’re estranged.

 

[Crystal]

I’ve heard something about this before… if I’m remembering correctly it has something to do with the chemical released in your brain when eat spicy food being the same as one of the “feel good” chemicals.

Yep, it's why you get more honest answers from people on Hot Ones, for instance. The spice is like a high, and in cultures like Korea they embrace that as a de-stressing mechanism to get away from their cares. Can't remember where I heard that, but it absolutely makes sense.

 

[Nae'blis]

My dad had heart issues, so he went in and out of the hospital a few times in his last years. But the doctors were great and kept mom updated, who in turn kept us kids updated. He passed 3 years ago next January, due to his heart giving up. It was a rough time, but atleast he didn't have to be in that much pain in the end, since he probably died before the ambulance got there.

My ex-father in law has been living about 8 years with both skeletal and prostate cancer, and his condition has worsened a lot the last few days. He is in the hospital right now, and I don't think he has that much time left unfortunately. So life is pretty shitty at the moment.. so it's nice to have GW again as a distraction.

 

[TD]

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[Crystal]

My dad had heart issues, so he went in and out of the hospital a few times in his last years. But the doctors were great and kept mom updated, who in turn kept us kids updated. He passed 3 years ago next January, due to his heart giving up. It was a rough time, but atleast he didn't have to be in that much pain in the end, since he probably died before the ambulance got there.

Oh wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. No longer being in pain is good, but it's so, so hard to lose someone you love.

My ex-father in law has been living about 8 years with both skeletal and prostate cancer, and his condition has worsened a lot the last few days. He is in the hospital right now, and I don't think he has that much time left unfortunately. So life is pretty shitty at the moment..

Oh no! Hoping for the best, we're all here to support you

so it's nice to have GW again as a distraction.

150% agreed!

@Mark
That's definitely a good call out but I don't think that'll be an issue with her. We are very close and there's not really any toxicity there for which I am grateful. That level up closeness likely comes from her being a single mom since I was 5 and it being her, me, and my sister going through a lot together. While I don't really see it being perceived as that, thanks for mentioning it. My mom is easy to please, coming for visits, go to the movies, go out for dinner, that type of stuff and she's happy.

Good, happy is the best possible thing for her to be, but be prepared that things can change and it's not her fault.

 

[Mark]

My dad had heart issues, so he went in and out of the hospital a few times in his last years. But the doctors were great and kept mom updated, who in turn kept us kids updated. He passed 3 years ago next January, due to his heart giving up. It was a rough time, but atleast he didn't have to be in that much pain in the end, since he probably died before the ambulance got there.

My ex-father in law has been living about 8 years with both skeletal and prostate cancer, and his condition has worsened a lot the last few days. He is in the hospital right now, and I don't think he has that much time left unfortunately. So life is pretty shitty at the moment.. so it's nice to have GW again as a distraction.

As bad as it sounds, it’s good that your relationship with your ex-in-laws is stable. If not for you, for your children and ex-wife who will undoubtedly be affected by the loss. It’s great to have that kind of deeply rooted support system for your children, and if your ex is broken-hearted over losing her father, that affects the children as well.

@Mark
That's definitely a good call out but I don't think that'll be an issue with her. We are very close and there's not really any toxicity there for which I am grateful. That level up closeness likely comes from her being a single mom since I was 5 and it being her, me, and my sister going through a lot together. While I don't really see it being perceived as that, thanks for mentioning it. My mom is easy to please, coming for visits, go to the movies, go out for dinner, that type of stuff and she's happy.

I’m glad you were picking up what I was putting down, because I went back on my phrasing a few times to avoid sounding insensitive, but it’s a very real phenomenon that we don’t often think about because we’re so consumed with being there for someone that we often don’t consider what it’s like being in their shoes. I’m glad y’all have a stable foundation for you to be able to be there for her and not have to worry about that kinda stuff happening, because y’all don’t need that extra strain considering the road ahead.

 

[Nae'blis]

You guys are fucking awesome, just reading what you've written makes it feel a little better.

 

[Crystal]

You guys are fucking awesome, just reading what you've written makes it feel a little better.

Agreed, we've got some incredible people here, proof positive our group is pure amazing.

 

[Nae'blis]

Agreed, we've got some incredible people here, proof positive our group is pure amazing.

Fuck yeah.

 

[A Slightly New Used Server]

So, as many of you are aware, I went through this much earlier in life than most people would expect. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer before I joined GW (which is crazy), she beat that, but then was diagnosed with a liver disease (recurring one from a botched surgery in the 80s). That caused her to have way too many surgeries, to the point where she eventually got a staph infection on her heart valve. A cancer survivor that needed not 1, but 2 transplants was immediately taken off the list and she was left to fight it out for a few months.

She died peacefully at home, nearly 17 years ago now.

How do you deal with it and cope? Tell people the best way they can be there for you. I had people assume they knew what I needed, which in their mind was someone who would talk to me about it constantly. They took it too far and tried to make it the only thing we ever talked about, forcing me to do nothing bu confront it. The friendships (and in one instance, the dating relationship) fell apart. Being there for someone is important, but only if you're doing it in a way that's helpful to them. Don't keep in what would be helpful to you. Only you know if it becomes too much to talk and you need something different.

 

[Crystal]

So, as many of you are aware, I went through this much earlier in life than most people would expect. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer before I joined GW (which is crazy), she beat that, but then was diagnosed with a liver disease (recurring one from a botched surgery in the 80s). That caused her to have way too many surgeries, to the point where she eventually got a staph infection on her heart valve. A cancer survivor that needed not 1, but 2 transplants was immediately taken off the list and she was left to fight it out for a few months.

She died peacefully at home, nearly 17 years ago now.

How do you deal with it and cope? Tell people the best way they can be there for you. I had people assume they knew what I needed, which in their mind was someone who would talk to me about it constantly. They took it too far and tried to make it the only thing we ever talked about, forcing me to do nothing bu confront it. The friendships (and in one instance, the dating relationship) fell apart. Being there for someone is important, but only if you're doing it in a way that's helpful to them. Don't keep in what would be helpful to you. Only you know if it becomes too much to talk and you need something different.

Very much agreed, talking about a tragic loss or a terminal situation in progress is helpful at times, but not constantly. Its your entire reality already, you don't want it to be your free time, too. We all grieve, but letting it take over is not good or healthy.

A quick I'm sorry for your loss or I'm sorry you're dealing with that and a hug or not (depends on person) and then ask if there's anything you can do to help or anything they want to talk about and if not, change the subject to something to distract. Get their mind off of it, mental health is so, so important, it takes so little to send someone spiraling.

 

[Friel]

First and foremost, I'm sorry that you're in this position. Feeling like you can't discuss something can be tough, especially when sharing definitely takes the weight off your shoulders a little.

My family lost someone in 2021 that meant everything to us. She was our world and to lose her in the manner we did has just shattered our world. Just the absolute rawest form of heartbreak and I'll never come to terms with it. She was only 10 years old, and losing her just stripped away the happiness from life.

But we do talk about her. Not so much outside the family, but within it we talk about her like she's still here. Sure, a simple story might end in us crying together for awhile, but we still tell the stories. It definitely helps. It's so important to talk man, it really is. Sometimes I don't even want to talk to someone in person, so I'll go to her grave and just have a chat like she's there.

I can't give you much advice on coping with it, because I don't know if I'm even coping. But please don't keep it bottled up. It'll eat you up and break you down. Confide in someone you trust.

 

[TD]

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[Tubby23]

How do you deal with it and cope? Tell people the best way they can be there for you. I had people assume they knew what I needed, which in their mind was someone who would talk to me about it constantly. They took it too far and tried to make it the only thing we ever talked about, forcing me to do nothing bu confront it. The friendships (and in one instance, the dating relationship) fell apart. Being there for someone is important, but only if you're doing it in a way that's helpful to them. Don't keep in what would be helpful to you. Only you know if it becomes too much to talk and you need something different.

I want to wholeheartedly second this. My Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer, which had spread by the time it was caught, in 2018. We were incredibly lucky that through surgery and chemo they were able to get on top of it and get her in the clear.

I am one of 3 kids and we were spread far and wide which made things a little more tough to actually cope with so I tried to turn to my friends within our local cricket team. My family have been members of this club since I was born and some of my best friends are there. I regret doing so, my Mum was a popular member and I failed at the time to realise that everyone was impacted more than I gave it credit for as soon as they found out about the diagnosis. It meant for about 6-9 months I was suffering through constant questions and never being able to get away from it and just play some sport to take my mind off it.

It wasn't until my fiance (then girlfriend) said "your happy place is no longer happy, you need to tell people what they can do to help make you happy again" it was literally life changing. I realised I was in control of how I wanted to feel and how I wanted to confront it. I told people that I appreciated all their love and support but the best way for me to continue coping with it was if we could just all play some sport together and let the doctors help my Mum.

Obviously it's different for each person and it's a personal journey, I know how I wanted to deal with it was not the way my Dad or my brother's wanted to. But as long as we were all supporting Mum and taking the steps to deal with our own emotions in a constructive way we were all going to be OK

 

[Crystal]

This thread tugs at my heartstrings. I'm glad we have one another here for support, you're all amazing and I'm sorry to you all for your losses and suffering. Always here for you all, anything you need.

 

[Mark]

Alu and Friel, thank you for sharing what you've gone through as well and your experience.

This has gotten more traction than I hoped when I initially posted, so I'm definitely grateful that I've approached this group. It has given me a lot more to consider and think about than I initially was.

In a weird mixed emotion response - I'm both sad and grateful that others have gone through similar situations. I'm not naively saying that I think I'm alone in what I'm going through, but there's something a bit comforting to know that I'm not alone in what I'm going through and to know how it has affected others.

I feel like a broken record but again, I sincerely appreciate this. I've had to deal with death before but not a serious illness that could lead to it.

We all have more in common than we’d like to think we do, and loss is one of those universal things that we all have to cope with, learn from, and ultimately move on from. If anything, this is just a testament of that.

The more you read, the more you’ll learn, the more you’ll think, and the more you’ll feel. It’s a tough process, but reaching out and communicating your feelings is absolutely the best thing you can do in this situation… because it’s times like these that you need to know you’re not alone.

 

[TD]

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[Mark]

I wanted to come back to this.

The surgery is next Wednesday - I'm a pile of nerves and anxiety.

But the advice that I received here from everyone changed everything for me. I learned that it's okay to do what I need to do and to talk about it even if it was what my family asked me not to do.

You let me know that having an outlet for it is the healthy thing to do, I should not shoulder it alone, and shared your stories.

It has made my last couple months more manageable.

I know I said it earlier but sincerely- thank you.

It’s okay to be nervous about it, dude. The most important thing right now is to keep yourself in a good headspace for YOU so you can be there for your family without falling apart at the seams. Don’t be afraid to vent about the procedure, your anxiety, or anything else along the way. If nothing else, we’re here to listen.

 

[TD]

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[Raine]

The uncertainty and doubt is often the worst thing, yeah. Once there's solid information, courses of action, treatment plans if need be - those can be hard to accept depending on the particulars, but at least you've got a clear idea of what's coming and what to expect. Having just a bunch of question marks and unfounded (but reasonable given no anchors) doomsday scenarios just plainly sucks ass.

For now, hoping for a speedy recovery and a good prognosis after the surgery!

 

[Crystal]

Never be afraid to share your fears with us, we're family here and we love and care for you. Nerves about an operation are understandable, but she will be in the best hands possible and that's an encouraging thought. Here's to a speedy recovery and the best possible results!!

 

[Raine]

I'm not the prying sort. So, no obligations of course.

But wanted to pop in here and say I hope everything went well yesterday!

 

[TD]

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[A Slightly New Used Server]

Thanks Raine.
I appreciate that.

I'm actually just popping in to share that nothing has physically happened to me but I'm going to be stepping away from GWF for a while.

It didn't go well.

We'll be here for you when you're ready to come back.

 

[Raine]

I’m very sorry to hear that the surgery/aftermath didn’t go well, TD. Definitely much more important to be with your family.

We’ll be here any time, stay safe!

 

[Jon]

Thanks Raine.
I appreciate that.

I'm actually just popping in to share that nothing has physically happened to me but I'm going to be stepping away from GWF for a while.

It didn't go well.

I'm so sorry to hear this, TD.

I wish you and your family nothing but the best thoughts I can give. I am not the religious type, but I'll keep you all in my thoughts and hope for the absolute best.

Good luck, and if you need anything, please reach out.

 

[Crystal]

Thanks Raine.
I appreciate that.

I'm actually just popping in to share that nothing has physically happened to me but I'm going to be stepping away from GWF for a while.

It didn't go well.

We are and will always be here for you. We might not be blood, but we're family here. Take the time you need, and if you ever need anything at all, feel free to reach out, even just to chat, we're here.

 

[Nae'blis]

We'll always be here. Whenever you need or want it.

 

[shortkut]

I’m sorry to hear that @TD . To echo everyone else, we will be here when you return and if you ever want to talk

 

[Mark]

Thanks Raine.
I appreciate that.

I'm actually just popping in to share that nothing has physically happened to me but I'm going to be stepping away from GWF for a while.

It didn't go well.

I’m very sorry to hear that, and not that it needs reiteration at this point, but we’re here for you. Although we’ll miss having the exec around… your family needs you and you need them. Take care of yourself.

 

[Smacktard]

Thanks Raine.
I appreciate that.

I'm actually just popping in to share that nothing has physically happened to me but I'm going to be stepping away from GWF for a while.

It didn't go well.

So sorry to hear mate. Take all the time that you need. We'll be here for you whenever you come back, and we're always free to talk things over any time you need. All the best.

 

[TD]

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[Jon]

Thanks for your ongoing support everyone.

Now that it's been two months and I've had time to process.. I want to share what is going on.

I'm open to any thoughts or even just general advice. I'm very aware that these are all very serious.

- The initial hysterectomy was unsuccessful and they were not able to complete it due to complications of the size and location
- Since then, they had a second surgery that was successful and she has started post treatment, things are looking positive but we are approaching with cautious but realistic optimism

...now where it gets complicated.
- As a result of this, my younger sister had herself checked out and well.. she has a tumour in the same-ish area that they suspect is cancerous based on other imagery and tests
- The next steps for her are opening her up to take a look and hopefully removing it to do a biopsy and proceed from there

...and for the cherry on top.
- My dad passed away at the end of October from a heart attack
- He was diabetic but they presumed it was stress and/or anxiety driven

...for myself.
- I'm trying to handle this the best I can but obviously, it's not easy
- I'm seeing a therapist once a week as well as working with a social worker regularly
- I'm on two prescribed medications to help support my mental health
- I've been on mental health leave from work since October 16th
- I haven't touched alcohol since Canadian Thanksgiving

I'm struggling with Christmas coming. Last year, I had my family and my 16yo cat. My cat died on Christmas day last year. My dad is gone. There's a very real possibility that this might be my last Christmas with.. yeah.

So with that said, I appreciate you guys and this community.

I also want to apologize in advance if I ever seem off, snippy, or rub you the wrong way at any time.

I'm currently doing the best I can - but it's a constant wave of ups and downs.

This is a terrible and awful set of circumstances to be dealing with, and I'm so very sorry that you're having too.

I'm not great with advice on this stuff because I struggle to deal with it all myself. All I can do is offer a shoulder to lean on and an ear to talk to if you need it. You need to take care of yourself, else how on Earth can you help be there for anyone else? It's cliche, I know, but the best thing you can do is take everything day-by-day and cherish every moment you have. Life comes at you fast. Enjoy the time with the people you love. None of us is around forever, so live your best life now.

I'm so sorry for your losses. I can't offer much, but if I can ever help at all, please reach out. Even to just vent.

 

[Mark]

Thanks for your ongoing support everyone.

Now that it's been two months and I've had time to process.. I want to share what is going on.

I'm open to any thoughts or even just general advice. I'm very aware that these are all very serious.

- The initial hysterectomy was unsuccessful and they were not able to complete it due to complications of the size and location
- Since then, they had a second surgery that was successful and she has started post treatment, things are looking positive but we are approaching with cautious but realistic optimism

...now where it gets complicated.
- As a result of this, my younger sister had herself checked out and well.. she has a tumour in the same-ish area that they suspect is cancerous based on other imagery and tests
- The next steps for her are opening her up to take a look and hopefully removing it to do a biopsy and proceed from there

...and for the cherry on top.
- My dad passed away at the end of October from a heart attack
- He was diabetic but they presumed it was stress and/or anxiety driven

...for myself.
- I'm trying to handle this the best I can but obviously, it's not easy
- I'm seeing a therapist once a week as well as working with a social worker regularly
- I'm on two prescribed medications to help support my mental health
- I've been on mental health leave from work since October 16th
- I haven't touched alcohol since Canadian Thanksgiving

I'm struggling with Christmas coming. Last year, I had my family and my 16yo cat. My cat died on Christmas day last year. My dad is gone. There's a very real possibility that this might be my last Christmas with.. yeah.

So with that said, I appreciate you guys and this community.

I also want to apologize in advance if I ever seem off, snippy, or rub you the wrong way at any time.

I'm currently doing the best I can - but it's a constant wave of ups and downs.

I wish I had something profound to say to ease the pain you’ve been experiencing, but the best I can do is relate, empathize, and offer whatever support I can.

There’s an eerily similar situation going on right now with my mother and younger sister, both of which have estranged themselves from me rather than admit to and cease enabling my addict younger brother. I’m in the dark about what’s going on with my mother, and have only heard a general “she’s going to undergo surgery” about my sister.

My dad’s a pre-diabetic that’s overweight from decades of heavy drinking, and only 25% of one kidney is functional. His dad, my grandfather, just got buried yesterday morning. My dad’s purpose has been caring for him and my younger brother since he became an addict. Without my grandfather… I have no idea what drug den my dad is gonna chase my brother into and out of, so that’s an issue right up there with his physical health.

I guess the best thing I can say is that you’re doing the right thing, and you’re on the right track by taking your mental health seriously. I’m glad that you’re taking the steps that you’re taking to cope with the bullshit life throws at you without the drink, too. Although you’re feeling more now, I’m sure you’ve noticed how much easier it is to process your emotions when you don’t have that shit in your system. As everyone has said, I’m here if you ever need to talk. I might not have answers, but I know what it’s like to wanna get shit off of my chest.

 

[Crystal]

Thanks for your ongoing support everyone.

Now that it's been two months and I've had time to process.. I want to share what is going on.

I'm open to any thoughts or even just general advice. I'm very aware that these are all very serious.

- The initial hysterectomy was unsuccessful and they were not able to complete it due to complications of the size and location
- Since then, they had a second surgery that was successful and she has started post treatment, things are looking positive but we are approaching with cautious but realistic optimism

...now where it gets complicated.
- As a result of this, my younger sister had herself checked out and well.. she has a tumour in the same-ish area that they suspect is cancerous based on other imagery and tests
- The next steps for her are opening her up to take a look and hopefully removing it to do a biopsy and proceed from there

...and for the cherry on top.
- My dad passed away at the end of October from a heart attack
- He was diabetic but they presumed it was stress and/or anxiety driven

...for myself.
- I'm trying to handle this the best I can but obviously, it's not easy
- I'm seeing a therapist once a week as well as working with a social worker regularly
- I'm on two prescribed medications to help support my mental health
- I've been on mental health leave from work since October 16th
- I haven't touched alcohol since Canadian Thanksgiving

I'm struggling with Christmas coming. Last year, I had my family and my 16yo cat. My cat died on Christmas day last year. My dad is gone. There's a very real possibility that this might be my last Christmas with.. yeah.

So with that said, I appreciate you guys and this community.

I also want to apologize in advance if I ever seem off, snippy, or rub you the wrong way at any time.

I'm currently doing the best I can - but it's a constant wave of ups and downs.

Wow, that's so much to handle in such a short time, I'm sorry for all you've had to endure. It's absolutely understandable to want to keep it in and wait for the right moment for you to let it out, and I respect and appreciate that you trust us enough to open up.

Losing family is hard, absolutely impossibly hard, but just know so long as you keep him in your heart your dad is never truly gone. Sending as many positive vibes as possible for your mother, your sister and of course for you! You're doing a great, great thing by looking after your mental health. It's hard to think of that during times of struggle, but you're doing it and that is a great thing.

Remember we have you, you are a part of our family here, and you can reach out to me or anyone else here anytime you need to, we are and will always be here for you. We love you, we care about you and we will happily be your support structure. Always.

 

[TD]

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[Mark]

Thank you everyone. Interestingly enough, I wasn't initially planning on returning when I did but it was actually a suggestion by my therapist and my ongoing attempts to do more for me.

I will say - I have a tremendous amount of respect and appreciation for this community through this. I was never bombarded by prying or the consistent "how are you doing? how's your family?", etc, that I have been by pretty much everyone in my "physical life". It started to feel like many people wanted to know for their own curiosity rather than my well being or maybe they just don't know how to convey it.

Mark. I appreciate you sharing what you're going through, that sounds very challenging and I'm sorry you are.

Again, not really sure what else to add other than a sincere thank you, you folks help, and being here helps.

I think we all know in our own ways what it’s like to be on the other side of that bombardment, so we might know better. The one thing we all seem to have in common is letting each other know we care, in some way or another.

I only shared what’s going on over here in solidarity, this isn’t about me right now, dude. You’re not alone being in this uncharted territory, and we don’t always know what the other people have going on from the other side of the screen. It’s not exactly consolation or comfort, but knowing that fate isn’t picking on you specifically helps a lot with mental health. I was one of those guys that felt like the world had it out for me by taking the people I love until I started opening up and talking to people, that’s when I realized how much I had in common with so many others. There’s an uncomfortable amount of loss out there, man… and we all carry shares of that burden. I’m just glad that this place has proven to be a positive outlet for you as you’re powering through this.