[E-Fed] Superstar Legends of Wrestling Fan Convention

[Dean]

Hundreds of professional wrestling fans are beyond excited to meet some of the biggest names in the history of sports-entertainment. A special fan convention – the biggest of its kind – is being held in Philadelphia, in the Pennsylvania Convention Center on Arch Street. Judging by the large, glimmering, silver banners, the name of the convention is "Superstar Legends of Wrestling" or SLOW for short. Familiar yet disgraced professional wrestling interviewer, Carl Tuckerson, is seen donning his infamous red bowtie and wielding a microphone as he addresses the camera for a short video that will assuredly amass dozens of views on TikTok.

Carl Tuckerson:
"Hello, wrestling fans! It's your favorite professional wrestling interviewer, Carl Tuckerson, here in the – ahem – "GREAT" city of Philadelphia – the City of Brotherly Love – Ha! Anyway, I am standing inside the Pennsylvania Convention Center for one of the largest professional wrestling fan conventions in recent memory: SUPERSTAR LEGENDS OF WRESTLING! Now, I've heard the speculation that the acronym SLOW was chosen in honor of the speed of professional wrestling match results, but frankly, the fourth wall of this convention center is already structurally unsound and I would hate to make it any worse by breaking it. I digress…"

Tucker… I mean, Carl continues to walk around the venue while holding the mic, looking at some of the big names who are signing autographs, taking pictures, and selling merchandise. As Tuckerson goes past hordes of fans and several icons in the sport, he spots one table with nobody in line. Clear in the distance, next to the bathrooms, there sits none other than reality star turned musician turned professional wrestler – and I use all of those terms very loosely – Mike Boogie.

Carl Tuckerson:
"My God, it's Michael Malinspeare (just kidding, nobody remembers that gimmick) Mike Boogie! I thought you were on Big Brother Season 34! Michael, it's great to see y—"

Boogie suddenly lunges from his seat, snatches the microphone from Tuckerson, and pushes him back with his other hand. Carl is aghast and speechless, which is quite a feat, and Boogie seems incensed. Wearing his usual garb of a sideways hat, gold chain, wifebeater, and baggy jacket and low-hanging shorts, Boogie hasn't gotten the news that he is 50 years old.

Mike Boogie:
"This is BULLSHIT! I'm the best fuckin' Neo… Neuter…Neuterotic Champion of all time! You idiots should be linin' up to see me! I get no damn royalties from all the merch they be sellin' with my face on it. How am I 'sposed to afford my gold chains?!"

A few feet away, some poor young fan who is in line to meet "Darkness" David Walker unfortunately makes eye contact with the failed rapper. Boogie summons the kid over and starts berating him and complaining about his pathetic life.

Mike Boogie:
"I'm so pissed! You dumb marks don't know my talent! James Simpson and Trent Eden both owe me STACKS! All these shows, all these big events… they should be thankin' ME! They should be payin' ME!"

The kid stammers a bit and tries to interject during Boogie's tirade.

Some Kid:
"Bu-bu-but they aren't running anymore shows! There's no more wrestling events, not since Endeavor took over!"

Carl Tuckerson can be heard yelling about the fourth wall, but nonetheless, Mike Boogie just stares at the kid in disbelief before starting to rant again.

Mike Boogie:
"Naw, naw fam, see, I know that ain't true. CAP! Ain't that what you kids say? I saw GWF was back and everybody's all excited an' shit! GWF is runnin', and I know they got some damn neuterotic shit goin' on, ya feel me?"

The kid gets up his courage to try to correct Boogie regarding what GWF stands for, even though it doesn't appear that Mike is in any mood to listen.

Patient Young Lad:
"But Mr. Boogie, GWF stands for GameWinners Forums! It's not GameWinners Wrestling Federation!"

Despite Carl Tuckerson screaming, "You're breaking the entire fourth wall! You need to stop!", the two continue to stare at one another, and Mike has had enough.

Mike Boogie:
"Ya know somethin', kid? I thought you was cool when I asked ya over here, but now I see you just a ragin' phallus!"

Uh-oh. That did it. There is a loud rumbling! A DEAFENING THUNDER IS HEARD! THE WHOLE BUILDING IS QUAKING!!! Adults and children are fleeing, Carl Tuckerson is screaming, and the entire fourth wall of the Pennsylvania Convention Center comes CRUMBLING DOWN, BROTHER! You can hear the faint coughs of Mike Boogie as he stares into the dust cloud as it dissipates. A silhouette of a man can be seen before his visage becomes clearer. No… It can't be!

???:
"Did you… just say… penis?"

Mike Boogie starts to back up very slowly, clearly intimidated by none other than the GREATEST OF ALL TIME GillT DANIEL SHINE! Before Boogie can escape, Dan quickly rushes in, grabs him by his neck and leg, lifts him into the air, spins, and drives him through the table with a SHINEPLEX ON STEROIDS~!!111oneuno. Daniel gets up, dusts himself off, and stares at the unconscious, unsuccessful wrestler among the debris of the wood. He looms over him and utters some more words.

Daniel Shine:
"Because I could have SWORN you just said penis."

Shine turns and looks to a room full of awed wrestling fans, their jaws wide open, unsure of what to say. A couple of the braver fans slowly start to golf clap. More and more of the wrestling fans start to join in, and eventually the whole room starts applauding, even the other wrestlers. Just then, a parade of adult wrestling fans lifts Shine onto their shoulders and begin carrying him through the room as they cheer and chant his name. This will be one wrestling fan convention that won't soon be forgotten!

OOC: I'm a man of my word, @VashTheStampede.

 

[VashTheStampede]

Lmao up until I hit the OOC comment I was planning on responding "you're a man of your word"

Took the words right out of my fingers.

Thanks for this, man. It brought a huge smile to my face.

 

[Dean]

It would be awesome if other people joined in, but I know that is asking for a lot. Even a short contribution would be cool.

 

[Jon]

I do not remember the first thing about any of my characters or storylines, sorry!

 

[Dean]

I do not remember the first thing about any of my characters or storylines, sorry!

Dammit I got excited when I saw you replied

 

[Jon]

Sorry, I really do wish I could contribute. Just not enough of the old days survived to jog my memories. And it was 23 years ago

 

[Webster]

Oh good lord, this was epicly awesome, @Dean!

I know who I should bring in to this, if allowed to (@Crystal knows who I'm referring to)....

...Webster Little, director of American Top Team and the Men of the Year, KenDanerdiest and Ethan Serafin!

Yes, its' a parody of Dan Lambert, Scorpio Sky and Ethan Page but still....

 

[VashTheStampede]

Lambert was so good in that role

 

[Impulsive.]

Awakening to a leak dripping onto his forehead, our hero finds himself in a jail cell with the door creaking off it's hinges. Wherever this is, he's clearly been here for some time. He kips up on the concrete and gambowls his way outside, through the abandoned lobby of the police station. He is immediately greeted by the sight of three homeless men shooting some brown in broad daylight next to a busy Whole Foods.

???:
"Ah, sweet, I'm in Portland."

Our mystery man assails the rough gentlemen for the time.

???:
"Howdy doody, fellow anarchists! Dost one of thou haveth the time?"

The Byeahs swiftly begin throwing used needles at our debonaire, forcing him to cartwheel away with much haste - but not before grabbing his signature sledgehammer. Once at a safe distance, he ponders his situation.

???:
 "Well, fuck. I hope I didn't miss my main event world title shot that I was granted by sheer altruism. That would be markedly unprofessional of me."

A small orphan boy comes around the corner, looking distinctly out of both place and time.

???:
"You! Boy! What day is it?"

Tiny Tim:
"Sir? It's nearly Christmas, sir! Not sure on the exact date, sir."

???:
"Oh. Well. That smarts. Hope I haven't been fired. At least tell me Obama is doing well. Has he closed Guantanamo Bay yet?"

At this, the boy gives a very startled look to our dastard and musters up a response.

Tiny Tim:
"...Sir... It's 2023, sir. Obama hasn't been president for seven years, sir."

A grimace descends over our Carnegie egg's already besotten face - but it quickly twists into uproarious laughter. He leans in close next to the child's ear.

???:
"That's really funny. You wanna hear something else funny?"

Tiny Tim:
"...Uh? Sure?"

With consent given, our alabaster dondelinger winds back a full swing and smacks the kid with the sledgehammer all the way over the Whole Foods.

Brick Rodgers:
"STEEEE-RIKE! Nine more and I've got a perfect game! Hahahahahah!"

Brick hails a taxi. He goes to enter, but the driver unusually opens his own door, gets out and hits Brick with a RELAPSE OUTTA NOWHERE!

Lance Van Leer:
"I don't get paid enough for this."

Lance throws the limp carcass of Brick into the car and drives off to meet with his employer...