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Tales From the Road

Use this thread to tell stories about anything funny/interesting that has happened (past or present) whilst you were operating or riding in a motor vehicle. So fill up your Canyonero with petroleum distillate and re-vulcanize your tires post haste (unexplained fires are a matter for the courts)!

While driving home from work today, I had a funny conversation. Not on the phone, but with another driver.

There is a stretch of road right by work that has multiple roundabouts. These particular ones aren't very big. Once you enter one, you almost immediately come to the next exit/entrance. They are single-laned. Those entering from any point have a yield sign.

I slow down as I arrive at the roundabout entrance, I see that no car is heading my direction from within the roundabout, and I enter. I will be exiting at the third exit from where I started (the equivalent of a left turn at a 4-way intersection). At the entrance immediately following mine, a car is approaching the roundabout (I am in the roundabout at this point), and I notice they are not adequately slowing down enough to properly yield and appear to be about to enter the roundabout without yielding. I firmly brake to avoid a potential collision. They double pump their brakes and then stop to let me go, and I go. I am greeted by an angry honk. Not a brief, "Excuse me, kind sir" kind of honk, but a prolonged, "Hey, what's the big idea, wise guy?! I'm drivin' he-ah!" kind of honk.

I continue on my merry way and they are now behind me. We come to a red light at a T intersection. There are two lanes, one to turn left and one to turn right. Each lane has two vehicles stopped at it. I am planning to turn left and sure enough, the car behind me comes to a stop right next to me, planning to turn right. Because of course. I don't look over, but I notice out of the corner of my eye that their window is down (mine is too). "Welp, here it comes," I think. And as likely as the sun is to rise tomorrow, the voice of a roughly 50-something guy booms from the vehicle, "Hey! Do you know what a roundabout is?" Any genuine inquisitiveness present in his tone is undetectable beneath the dripping sarcasm. In situations where someone is clearly angry and raises their voice, my instinct is to be as calm as possible, so that's the route I take here.

Now, the light is going to turn green soon. We lack time for formal discourse. I suppose the most efficient response to this question would have been, "Yes," but for better or worse I choose to jump ahead to a brief explanation of why I did nothing wrong and simply say that I was already in the roundabout when he got there and that I had the right of way. He responds with, "You didn't fucking yield." (reminder that there was no one in the roundabout for me to yield to before I entered, and when I was in the roundabout, he failed to yield to me before attempting to enter) He adds, "At a roundabout, EVERYBODY YIELDS." I feel this sentence needs additional context to be coherent let alone correct, but he says it with such conviction and finality, who am I to argue? I simply state again that while I was in the roundabout, I had the right of way and add a "sir" to the end of my sentence, not sarcastically, but politely. I'm not really sure where it comes from, but I suppose it is a subconscious counter to him bringing coarse language into a gentlemen's (dis)agreement.

The light has now turned green, and the cars in front of us are moving. Time is of the essence. His response has to be quick. He must be concise. He says, nay, proclaims, "FUUUUUCK YOUUU!" and drives off into the proverbial sunset (I say proverbial because he was actually going east, but I digress).

Touche, sir. Touche.
 
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Use this thread to tell stories about anything funny/interesting that has happened (past or present) whilst you were operating or riding in a motor vehicle. So fill up your Canyonero with petroleum distillate and re-vulcanize your tires post haste (unexplained fires are a matter for the courts)!

While driving home from work today, I had a funny conversation. Not on the phone, but with another driver.

There is a stretch of road right by work that has multiple roundabouts. These particular ones aren't very big. Once you enter one, you almost immediately come to the next exit/entrance. They are single-laned. Those entering from any point have a yield sign.

I slow down as I arrive at the roundabout entrance, I see that no car is heading my direction from within the roundabout, and I enter. I will be exiting at the third exit from where I started (the equivalent of a left turn at a 4-way intersection). At the entrance immediately following mine, a car is approaching the roundabout (I am in the roundabout at this point), and I notice they are not adequately slowing down enough to properly yield and appear to be about to enter the roundabout without yielding. I firmly brake to avoid a potential collision. They double pump their brakes and then stop to let me go, and I go. I am greeted by an angry honk. Not a brief, "Excuse me, kind sir" kind of honk, but a prolonged, "Hey, what's the big idea, wise guy?! I'm drivin' he-ah!" kind of honk.

I continue on my merry way and they are now behind me. We come to a red light at a T intersection. There are two lanes, one to turn left and one to turn right. Each lane has two vehicles stopped at it. I am planning to turn left and sure enough, the car behind me comes to a stop right next to me, planning to turn right. Because of course. I don't look over, but I notice out of the corner of my eye that their window is down (mine is too). "Welp, here it comes," I think. And as likely as the sun is to rise tomorrow, the voice of a roughly 50-something guy booms from the vehicle, "Hey! Do you know what a roundabout is?" Any genuine inquisitiveness present in his tone is undetectable beneath the dripping sarcasm. In situations where someone is clearly angry and raises their voice, my instinct is to be as calm as possible, so that's the route I take here.

Now, the light is going to turn green soon. We lack time for formal discourse. I suppose the most efficient response to this question would have been, "Yes," but for better or worse I choose to jump ahead to a brief explanation of why I did nothing wrong and simply say that I was already in the roundabout when he got there and that I had the right of way. He responds with, "You didn't fucking yield." (reminder that there was no one in the roundabout for me to yield to before I entered, and when I was in the roundabout, he failed to yield to me before attempting to enter) He adds, "At a roundabout, EVERYBODY YIELDS." I feel this sentence needs additional context to be coherent let alone correct, but he says it with such conviction and finality, who am I to argue? I simply state again that while I was in the roundabout, I had the right of way and add a "sir" to the end of my sentence, not sarcastically, but politely. I'm not really sure where it comes from, but I suppose it is a subconscious counter to him bringing coarse language into a gentlemen's (dis)agreement.

The light has now turned green, and the cars in front of us are moving. Time is of the essence. His response has to be quick. He must be concise. He says, nay, proclaims, "FUUUUUCK YOUUU!" and drives off into the proverbial sunset (I say proverbial because he was actually going east, but I digress).

Touche, sir. Touche.
How very civil of you. I applaud your calm response, although you could of fucked him up by dropping an "indubitably!" when he first asked if you were versed in roundabouts.

The first similar driver disagreement I can think of, years ago, was at the drive-thru of a Dunkin Donuts the morning before work. The parking lot is stupid small, and there is always traffic coming from both the main-road side (pink) and the rear (orange). Looking at the map it's even more of a right-angle to both sides and not like one really flows into the drive-thru more than the other.

1720765350203.png

Anyway, any reasonable driver would just zipper-merge alternating from either side. I was waiting in line from the orange side with surely a half dozen or more vehicles behind me doing the same thing. Car in front of me from pink goes into the drive-thru, but as I start to move forward the car behind them (from pink) accelerates rapidly to fill the space and get in front of me.

I make an exasperated "oh come on" eye roll, and the driver, some strung-out lookin 20-something dude, rolls down his window and starts yelling "YOU HAVE TO COME IN FROM THIS SIDE! 💢" or something to that effect. I responded with something like shaking my head and gesturing to the long line of cars behind me, and he just kept yelling. Figuring it wasn't worth it, I made an "after you" motion and resolve to just sit and wait for him to go. He gets madder and keeps screaming out his window and just won't let it go.

This has continued for about a minute at this point, and I'm annoyed, so I flip the guy off. Dude lost it and jumped out the drivers side of his car and started banging on the hood screaming, probably after the car ahead of him has already moved. I did nothing and just watched him until he felt he'd accomplished something and got back in his car, and life moved on.

I did however realize after the fact that this is America and he probably could have shot me over coffee, but I swear flipping him off felt so good.
 
I was driving behind a car on an on-ramp to a highway, and it was reeeeeaaaaal slow driving. I'm talking 'I could've probably got out of my car and WALKED faster than the car'-slow. In my head I'm thinking old man driving.

First chance I get, I floor it and pass the car on the highway, which admittedly wasn't too hard since a tortoise could've passed it.

Sure enough, I look over and voila: old man driving! The hilarious thing was seeing an 80-ish year old dude flipping me off. :D
 

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I have a metric fuckton of these stories after all the years spent traveling the east coast stealing cars, so I’ll start with a nice, safe, and funny story… involving this guy:

IMG_8489.jpeg

I apologize for the quality of the photo, it’s a still frame retrieved from a dashcam video back when they recorded at 720p.

Anyway, this particular encounter started off fairly benign. It wasn’t uncommon for apartment security to approach me in the field. More often than not, I was mistaken for undercover law-enforcement because of the vehicles I drove and the equipment installed on/in it. You can see one of the vehicles way back in this thread I posted last year.

For background, when I would approach an address, I would typically pull over onto the approaching connecting street. If you had to enter an apartment complex parking lot from Main St. and 1st Avenue, I would situate myself at 2nd and Main to pull up my information and documents I needed. From there, I noticed the pictured security guard posted up at the entrance, with his headlights intersecting and facing incoming and outgoing vehicles. I knew this to be a high-crime area, so it was no surprise, but I knew it also meant that there was a high likelihood that I’d be followed or intercepted upon entering. It wasn’t uncommon for security to attempt to turn me away, but, to make a long story short, they have no legal authority to even trespass me from a parking lot as I’m operating under pre-approved legal authority from the state as a licensed asset recovery agent. That effectively means that even the police couldn’t stop me from performing my job, unless of course there was a public safety risk. Combine that with my general distrust for actual law-enforcement, and my general demeanor of being a relentless dick to relentless dicks, and you’ve got me being a bastard to no end.

So, I pulled all of my necessary documentation up, and proceed to enter the complex. As SOON as my trunk lid passed the security guard and he saw the license plate readers, he initiated contact with me. I pulled up next to the leasing office/common lounge, allowed the guard to approach, and went through my usual speech. “I’m an asset recovery agent from X agency, I’m going to be pulling two vehicles out of this complex, and if your supervisor requires incident reports for these type of events, I’d be happy to meet up with you after the fact.” The guard was sitting at the red circle, I entered through the gate marked with my usual blue and am stopped at the blue circle.

IMG_8491.jpeg

Of course, this blatant lack of acknowledgement of his superior authority and matter-of-fact phrasing made his nylon badge twitch, so he said… “you’re not allowed to take anything out of my complex, you need to leave now, or I’m going to detain you”. Excuse me? You are going to detain me? For doing my job? Game on, motherfucker. At that point, I’m not negotiating anymore. My patience with security guards is already measured in the negatives, because this is a regular occurrence at complexes that employ young dipshits that don’t know the first thing about the “laws” that they’re supposed to “enforce”. So, I maneuver around his “vehicle” which, at this point is slightly diagonal crossing about a foot of my passenger-side front bumper, and proceed to go about my business. Fuck ‘em, he can call the police if he wants, I had stuff to do and not enough time to deal with him. I find my vehicles, with him in tow with his obnoxiously placed amber lights in my rear view. Naturally, I don’t VIN them because I don’t want to tip the guard or the debtors off. After I get my trucks en-route, I decide to get comfortable, and find me a spot to park in on the other side of the horseshoe-shaped lot, at the exit, so I can intercept a fleeing vehicle if need be… or open the exit gate to let my trucks in since I wasn’t sure if the guard was going to try and intercept them. The whole time I’m waiting for the trucks to arrive (about 15 mins) the guard continuously circles the lot, glaring at me and I assume relaying information over his radio to his supervisor. I was already tipped off by one of my contacts in the county police who called me to let me know security called in my tag, I saw them drive pass the connecting road several times since it’s a high-crime area, so I knew the police were nearby. As expected, the security guard disabled the entrance gate remotely from inside the parking lot, but, for emergency purposes… you can’t disable the exit gate, it HAS to be either pressure sensitive or trip laser/RFID reactive if it’s an automatic gate, or it HAS to be left open after hours. That’s just one thing of many that they didn’t teach the kid at rent-a-cop academy. So, I pull out of the spot, roll over the pressure strip at the gate, let my trucks in, and follow them to the back of the lot where both vehicles are located. At this point, security has been bested by my dumbass, so now he’s feeling challenged. You’re not gonna try to stop two Dodge Ram 4500’s with vehicles in-tow driving that little rinky dink contraption, so, he pulls in front of me as illustrated by that first photo. I go around him, because it’s easy, I’m taller than that vehicle is long, it’s literally just about twice the size of this Fisher Price car:

IMG_8492.jpeg

Of course, this infuriates him, so he guns it… for what it was worth, and blocks me again. This time, at the exit and not at one of the breaks in the lot. Okay, this is cool, now I’m being illegally detained by someone without the authority to do so. So, this fucker gets out of his clown car and he’s every bit of 5ft 2in and 115lbs soaking wet. This explains a lot, because prior to this, all I could really see was his face because of the lights. His utility belt is hanging off of his waist at an angle, he’s swimming in his extra smedium uniform, and he’s PISSED. So, he comes up and beats on my window with his flashlight, causing a scratch, which kinda pissed me off… but it’s not my car, so, whatever. He then demands that I exit my vehicle, so, I oblige, and suddenly his cockiness starts to dissipate when he realizes I’ve got him by about a foot and about 70lbs. He won’t relent, though, he refuses to budge until his supervisor arrives, which never happened. County police pulled up, because they drove past and saw the commotion. They ended up asking the guard for all of his information, didn’t ask me for anything because they already knew me, and told him not to interfere with me or any other recovery agency or he would be charged with unlawful detention, which is kinda like kidnapping, but not really. Of course, he wouldn’t budge with them either, and said “your turf is outside the gate, I run the show in here” to the police. At that point, the one cop I know laughed, turned to me, and said “the gate code for here is 00911# if you ever need to get in and Officer Doofy here gives you any shit, call me directly if you have any issues, don’t bother wasting your time on the dispatch queue”.

So, after all of that was said and done… I deliberately went back to that complex every time I saw a new account come through to personally handle any assets on that property. That guard ended up working there for a few more months, but was eventually fired for fighting with a resident from what the replacement guard said. Apparently nepotism got him the gig, and ego got him canned. All things considered… one of my more tame interactions, but the ones with the Billy Badass security guards always amuse me the most. I just could not believe the dude really thought he was gonna play cop in a toy car.
 
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How very civil of you. I applaud your calm response, although you could of fucked him up by dropping an "indubitably!" when he first asked if you were versed in roundabouts.

The first similar driver disagreement I can think of, years ago, was at the drive-thru of a Dunkin Donuts the morning before work. The parking lot is stupid small, and there is always traffic coming from both the main-road side (pink) and the rear (orange). Looking at the map it's even more of a right-angle to both sides and not like one really flows into the drive-thru more than the other.

View attachment 17964

Anyway, any reasonable driver would just zipper-merge alternating from either side. I was waiting in line from the orange side with surely a half dozen or more vehicles behind me doing the same thing. Car in front of me from pink goes into the drive-thru, but as I start to move forward the car behind them (from pink) accelerates rapidly to fill the space and get in front of me.

I make an exasperated "oh come on" eye roll, and the driver, some strung-out lookin 20-something dude, rolls down his window and starts yelling "YOU HAVE TO COME IN FROM THIS SIDE! 💢" or something to that effect. I responded with something like shaking my head and gesturing to the long line of cars behind me, and he just kept yelling. Figuring it wasn't worth it, I made an "after you" motion and resolve to just sit and wait for him to go. He gets madder and keeps screaming out his window and just won't let it go.

This has continued for about a minute at this point, and I'm annoyed, so I flip the guy off. Dude lost it and jumped out the drivers side of his car and started banging on the hood screaming, probably after the car ahead of him has already moved. I did nothing and just watched him until he felt he'd accomplished something and got back in his car, and life moved on.

I did however realize after the fact that this is America and he probably could have shot me over coffee, but I swear flipping him off felt so good.
In America, the "appropriate response" would be to hold them at gunpoint. Let em' know what happens when they fuck around.

Anyways, respect for the peeps who don't resort to violence in these kind of situations. I hate how people these days think that threats and violence are necessary in order to make a point. One of the reasons the world is fucked up the way it is. :(
 

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Anyways, respect for the peeps who don't resort to violence in these kind of situations. I hate how people these days think that threats and violence are necessary in order to make a point. One of the reasons the world is fucked up the way it is. :(

I’ve had no choice but to respond with violence too many times in my life. I’m getting old, I’m not trying to have my fist swollen unless I absolutely have to, so for me to get violent like that… you’d have to really do something worthwhile.

To be honest, I was just waiting for you to appear. And I was not at all disappointed! :clapping

Also 'metric fuckton' is one of my favorite expressions.

I have had a draft sitting on my notepad here for MONTHS that I’ve workshopped with @Smacktard as part of a series I wanted to do about repo stories, but I get too distracted to actually sit down and finish the first installment. You see how long-winded my storytelling is, for fuck’s sake. Imagine being an English teacher like Kelly going over notes with a rambling fool like me…
 
I can't think of any... I avoid conflict on the road by leaving a lot of room, always expecting everyone else to not know how to drive, and by not getting mad over trivial things. I had a nice interaction yesterday in the middle of a busy street in Worcester (pop 220k) - I was trying to go left into a gated lot for a restaurant, someone coming the opposite direction gave me the little wave to go, but there was already someone in the gated entrance so I would have just blocked the opposite lane for a bit. He came to a stop, but I pointed to the car in the way and gave him the wave to continue on.

We both had our windows down and he said "thank you for pointing that out, I was just trying to be nice." So I said "I appreciate your gesture, but I didn't want to hold you up, have a good one." He responded "Have a nice dinner, man!"

That's how things should be.
 

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I had a nice interaction yesterday in the middle of a busy street in Worcester (pop 220k) - I was

I read that as “Wooster” in my head, and I’m here to tell you that I’m not happy about it.

However… I wish more drivers were like that. Too many aggressive drivers on the road, and too many people wanna get violent over absolutely nothing. I absolutely hate the fact that I’ve had to defend myself in traffic in the past, there are enough hazards already on the road.
 

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I can't think of any... I avoid conflict on the road by leaving a lot of room, always expecting everyone else to not know how to drive, and by not getting mad over trivial things. I had a nice interaction yesterday in the middle of a busy street in Worcester (pop 220k) - I was trying to go left into a gated lot for a restaurant, someone coming the opposite direction gave me the little wave to go, but there was already someone in the gated entrance so I would have just blocked the opposite lane for a bit. He came to a stop, but I pointed to the car in the way and gave him the wave to continue on.

We both had our windows down and he said "thank you for pointing that out, I was just trying to be nice." So I said "I appreciate your gesture, but I didn't want to hold you up, have a good one." He responded "Have a nice dinner, man!"

That's how things should be.
...Friendly drivers in Massachusetts..?

This goes against everything I've experienced driving around that state... It's generally the "just go where you want and expect everyone else will move" kind of driving.
 
It's funny Benzine mentions Malaysia because that's where the only decent story I have is from.

The North-South expressway is two lanes in each direction, but one guy in Malaysia's most stereotypical car (early 2000s Proton Wira) decided to simply drive in the middle of the two lanes. It was just a bit odd at first but he did this for miles, and miles...a good half hour before he eventually exited. If he needed to overtake the left lane whilst the right is full then no problem, just make your own lane!

I read that as “Wooster” in my head, and I’m here to tell you that I’m not happy about it.
It is the way.

Now try Cirencester.
 

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Now try Cirencester.

No. We can’t even properly say the name of the city we live in where I’m from, what makes you think I can manage pronouncing that? Don’t even get me started on other languages… you’d cry laughing if you tried to teach me anything other than the bastardized English I use.
 

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Ok, Polish it is then. :D

Fuuuck you, buddy, I *just* heard some Polish for the first time last week and I couldn’t tell heads or tails where one word ended and the next began. I’m not knocking other languages, though, just my inability to comprehend.
 
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Fuuuck you, buddy, I *just* heard some Polish for the first time last week and I couldn’t tell heads or tails where one word ended and the next began. I’m not knocking other languages, though, just my inability to comprehend.
Chociaż dla wielu ludzi nauka języków jest trudnym zadaniem, natomiast zawsze uważałem, ze uczenie się języków jest to swego rodzaju rzecz, która może być pomocna. Ponieważ angielski jest moim rodowitym jezykiem, myślę ze polski jest bardzo trudny. Jednakze, muszę ciężko pracować by się go nauczyć. Bo jakby nie patrzeć, jest to jeden z najtrudniejszych języków na świecie, więc fajnie też opanować taką umiejętność i jest się czym pochwalić wtedy.
 
Chociaż dla wielu ludzi nauka języków jest trudnym zadaniem, natomiast zawsze uważałem, ze uczenie się języków jest to swego rodzaju rzecz, która może być pomocna. Ponieważ angielski jest moim rodowitym jezykiem, myślę ze polski jest bardzo trudny. Jednakze, muszę ciężko pracować by się go nauczyć. Bo jakby nie patrzeć, jest to jeden z najtrudniejszych języków na świecie, więc fajnie też opanować taką umiejętność i jest się czym pochwalić wtedy.
Makes total sense to me. :paranoid

My oldest kid has a friend who moved to Sweden from Poland though! :D

The only Polish word I (like so many others, I guess) know is kurwa. 😅
 

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I read that as “Wooster” in my head

There are 3 generally accepted ways to say it. Wister - like mister, Wuster, and Wustah for the really stupid. It's not a Woo sounds, its like a... less ooooo. We're all really stupid in central mass. Jesus christ.

This goes against everything I've experienced driving around that state... It's generally the "just go where you want and expect everyone else will move" kind of driving.

That is how the morning and afternoon commutes work, and generally outside of Boston it works fine because we all know that's how it's going to be. Everyone goes really fast and goes where they are going and we all adapt. It gets tricky on weekends and non-commuting times because then the normies come out and ruin our chaotic flow. We all drive crazy, but the commuters have the experience to do it reasonably well.
 
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That is how the morning and afternoon commutes work, and generally outside of Boston it works fine because we all know that's how it's going to be. Everyone goes really fast and goes where they are going and we all adapt. It gets tricky on weekends and non-commuting times because then the normies come out and ruin our chaotic flow. We all drive crazy, but the commuters have the experience to do it reasonably well.
Makes sense. After regularly driving in there for a bit, I came to just assume it operated on Asian country traffic rules, with the whole "just walk across the road and everyone will go around you, but if you hesitate you'll cause a crash" vibe. Except with the driving, not the walking across the road.

Which actually reminds me that just yesterday I had to brake hard when some guy decided it was smart to run across the 2 lane main road trying to stop a bus on the opposite side from leaving... I swear he didn't even look over when I stopped like 6 feet away from him, so... He's going places in life (those places are the hospital.)
 

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I had a girlfriend who lived in from Winthrop, just outside of Boston. I used to tease her with the "Pahk the Cah in Hahvahd Yahd" thing all the time.

But I also spent a decade hearing Mainer's speak, which a really thick Maine accent is just even more incomprehensible.

Edit: Fair example, and the guy on the right is cracking me up...

 
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Do people who say Wustah also pronouce Boston as Bahstahn?
Bahstin.

In high school my brother was driving to drop his friend off. It was winter, and he was a terrible driver. He tried to stop, it didn't work. He proceeded to very slowly slide about 20 or so feet down the road into some metal trash cans like it was some dumbass movie. No one else had metal trash cans anywhere nearby, just the dude who owned the house where he ended up hitting them.

To no one's surprise, he ended up (unrelated) getting his license suspended. The day he got it back he accidentally cut off a cop and immediately got it suspended again. I wasn't in the car for that one though.
 

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Ice, you can't really do anything about. Snow is fine as long as you go slow and don't drive some dumb rear-wheel drive car. The main issue there is visibility being horrible and at night it looks like you're engaging the hyper-drive on the Millennium Falcon. But I've definitely lost traction a few times on a turn and slid off course in blizzards up in Maine, putting myself into a few snowbanks. At least everyone is pretty helpful of strangers and won't mind giving you a shove out.

One time I had a van stop suddenly ahead of me (I think someone did the same to him), and even though we were only going like 10 mph, I started to slide right towards the back of it. I at least foresaw what was going to happen and turned to the right to avoid hitting the van, but put myself into the ditch instead. Buried the front end in a few feet of snow and got stuck. No harm to the car or me, I just had to sit in there for an hour or so on a back-road while waiting for a tow truck to come pull me out.

My friend crashed my first car into the guardrail of an on-ramp where it turned sharper just before hitting the interstate. I was in the car too, both coming back from where we worked, and he told me he had more experience driving in the snow so I conceded. Fucked up the axle pretty bad, and I didn't have the money to fix it so ended up having to trade it in for something that broke itself a few months later. Still mad about it, I loved that Grand Am GT. :mad:
 
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