This is going to be a long one, but I really just wanted people to share it with. I don't really use social media, and it's just one of those things I need to get out of my system.
I've known my girlfriend and her family since I was 7. We grew up in the same temple, we were very close. She told people when she was under the age of 10 that she wanted to marry me someday. It's a long complicated history, but our families were very close. We didn't talk for a very long time as my life (with my mom) drew me into seclusion and I let her move on and start her life.
I'm gonna skip all the reconnection stuff for right now, but in August of last year, she found out in a NOT very nice way that her father wasn't actually her biological father, that he couldn't have children so they had to use an anonymous donor. Well, this was three days before we left for fucking Cooperstown for an entire week, and it was really really devastating. For my girlfriend, family was a big part of her identity, the MAJORITY of her aunts, uncles, cousins, are within a 10 minute drive from our house, they're a "townie" family, and for her to find out that HALF of that family wasn't "really hers" was very devastating.
sometime after we returned from Cooperstown, she took a 23andme test, we weren't hoping to find any connections, this was more about finding her health history, her biological history so she could start to move forward with things.
but this is where the story turns, and I'm getting chills and starting to cry already.
a few weeks after she took that 23 and me test, she got the results. ON HER BIRTHDAY FRIENDS, she got the results.
her biological father is on 23 and me, and so are her THIRTEEN other siblings. but I'm not done. her biological father is a very famous dentist in Los Angeles, like a multi millionaire, and he, his wife of 20+ years, his 3 natural children, have embraced each and every one of these biochildren, within days of getting these results, she received a text message from one of the sisters who informed my girlfriend that she was the "welcome wagon" because, these people don't just talk occasionally, but they have formed a new family.
I didn't believe it at first. I had my guard up, there are 13 siblings, 13 spouses (actually 14, considering one of her sisters is in a throuple), and more kids, and statistically speaking someone is going to be a monster, right? there were like 30 names added to our family in one instance and blood or not, SOMEONE has to be a douchebag, right?
So I had been worried, and stressed, and anxious. A few weeks after my gf found out, she was invited to the wedding of one of her brothers in California, this brother is one of the "natural" children of her biological father, and he invited ALL of the siblings, spouses, and even kids to go to California and go to the wedding. my sweet girlfriend, who loves first and struggles second, immediately was excited and wanted to go, and I was terrified. So many people, new people, strange people, scary people, people I didnt know. I didn't know if she would be safe, and it scared me.
for the next few weeks and months she talked to them a LOT, there is a huge whatsapp group message with ALL of them, shes in other smaller groups with a few siblings or spouses, and it was insane. We bought tickets to California late last year.
A lot of you guys don't know me super super well. Tom (and a couple others who truly know me), but Tom especially will be able to vouch for this. the way my brain works is pretty fucked up, I have a lot of mental fuckiness from the life that I've had, and I tend to see danger and threat all around me. I get red flags about EVERYONE all the time, alarms in my brain are constantly going off, that persons a threat, I dont want that person near my girlfriends kids, i see it all the time.
so, her biofather, originally he was going to have us stay in one of his 3 homes, it was going to be in Malibu, pool, hot tub, ...everything. Completely at cost, zero money invested, just have to fly out. Okay, sounds... cool. Malibu dream house vacation? Sure.
A few days before we flew out, her biodad says "so I had to rent the Malibu House to a family that lost t heir home in a fire, its a long term rental. ...so I rented you guys a mansion."
he wasn't joking...
View attachment 20250206_170702.jpg
7 bedrooms, 7 baths, pool, hot tub, movie theater, outdoor kitchen, sunken firepit. it was a mansion.
but HERES WHERE IT GETS CRAZY. and I say again, a lot of you won't understand how big a deal some of what I'm about to say is coming from *ME*, but it is.
as we were driving up to this mansion in the fucking hills outside Los Angeles, I said to my girlfriend "...dont ditch me okay? I'm not gonna wanna be alone here, and I don't want you to be."
when we pulled into the driveway, a lot of the siblings and her biofather were on the porch. her biodad FORCED his way past people, grabbed Dara, stared at her the way a fucking dad does, then hugged her and started crying. Within the first 2 minutes of being there, I had 10 people I've never met, whos faces I didnt know, whos NAMES I DID NOT KNOW, walk up to me and say "you must be Cole!" and give me a huge hug.
I... think I changed in that moment. I walked away from my gf and her new siblings found some of the spouses, and, again, was just immediately welcomed into their group (I was handed a blunt 30 seconds later).
EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. was incredible. we were there for 6 days, all of us, and we hardly left the house other than the wedding and rehearsal dinner. and... not one red flag. not one alarm bell. not one "well I dont really wanna eat next to that person", every. single. person. was amazing, they were family. it was like they had been raised togetther their entire lives and were just coming together for this gathering later in life. I could walk into any group and just join the conversation. I met the husband of another of my girlfriends sisters and he and I made AMAZINGLY fast friends, we have very similar minds and temperaments and we just became fast friends. I haven't smoked that much weed since I was a teenager, 6 straight days waking up with a blunt, going to bed with a blunt, and passing joints and vapes the rest of the day.
I am still struggling with it, if I'm being honest. Im waiting for the strings, I'm waiting for the shoe to drop. but every sibling I talked to, every siblings spouse I talked to, all had the same message.
there aren't any strings.
this. is. family.
at one point, one of the other new sisters (my girlfriend came in with a wave of 5 new siblings to the already established group of 9 previously!), walked over to one of the natural children and said "i'm so jealous of your life, can we trade lives?" and without missing a beat, this girl replied "can't you just come be apart of it?" and I started breaking down.
there were moments like that sprinkled throughout the week. one of the new siblings was a former meth addict whos teeth are really messed up. her biodad is fixing them with actual implants FOR FREE. flying her to California to do it. ...and hes doing her boyfriends teeth too.
the entire week I kept fighting tears, "this isnt real" "life isnt supposed to be this easy" "I don't just get shit like this".
her biological father... towards the end, he hugged me, and he fucking THANKED ME for loving his daughter, and so did a couple of her sisters.
It... as of this point in my life, is the single most incredible thing to ever happen to me. I genuinely think it changed my life, it changed how I view love, and family, and what actually caring really means. all of these people accepted us immediately, no one had a complaint, no one judged us, no one made us uncomfortable, the siblings, the spouses, the fucking DOG that one of them brought, everyone got along, everyone was perfect with each other.
It's a family. and, we've only known about them for 6 fucking months and even *I* the most cynical piece of shit asshole you can possibly imagine, I hate everyone, I hate groups, I HATE MY OWN FAMILY, but after 6 months and then 6 days of being with them? I love and miss them all like I've known them my whole life.
I never post shit like this, I NEVER FEEL like this.
there are happy endings to life sometimes, but this was a fairytale, this IS a fairytale.
I've had an insane almost 3 years. and so has my girlfriend. sometimes, we sit down with someone new and we tell everyone all the horrible shit that has happened to us over the last almost 3 years since my mom died, and I think "they're not going to believe us", "they're going to think we made this all up, how could this much bad shit happen to just 2 people?", but it IS what had been happening, is still happening. (both of my gfs parents were diagnosed with Alzheimer's a year apart from eachother.) and that's only the beginning, that's just an example, but it HAS all happened, and it has been REALLY REALLY HARD.
but now this has happened, and as I sit here posting this story, and replaying memories in my head, and thinking about those people. remembering how it felt to get hugged as I was leaving, the type of hug that says "I know you have to go but I don't want you to". Remembering how it felt to have people care about me that didn't know me. people that just wanted to make sure *I* was happy, I was having a good time, I was eating, I was cared for. I write all this and I think "some of you are going to not believe this happened", and I understand that urge. if I hadn't witnessed all of this myself, I don't think I'd believe it really happened.
but it did happen...
and my life feels different now. I feel like I have a REAL REAL future for the first time... probably ever. for one of the first times in my life I have a phone full of contacts who would pick up if I called and I needed them. there are people who will fight for us when we need help, there are people who will stand behind us when we need support.
I want to be a better person just to live in their world...
(California was amazing, the views we had at that house were incredible, we got Hibachi catered to the house one night, her biodad paid for massages for all of us the next day, I got to ride around in a Porsche at 120mph down the California freeway. i got to see a 1 of 1 1954 Corvette, and a 1 of ~100 1970 Baricuda, all owned by her biodad.)
strangely, i genuinely hope there are questions, I WANT to talk about this stuff. (which is also, very rare for me)
I've known my girlfriend and her family since I was 7. We grew up in the same temple, we were very close. She told people when she was under the age of 10 that she wanted to marry me someday. It's a long complicated history, but our families were very close. We didn't talk for a very long time as my life (with my mom) drew me into seclusion and I let her move on and start her life.
I'm gonna skip all the reconnection stuff for right now, but in August of last year, she found out in a NOT very nice way that her father wasn't actually her biological father, that he couldn't have children so they had to use an anonymous donor. Well, this was three days before we left for fucking Cooperstown for an entire week, and it was really really devastating. For my girlfriend, family was a big part of her identity, the MAJORITY of her aunts, uncles, cousins, are within a 10 minute drive from our house, they're a "townie" family, and for her to find out that HALF of that family wasn't "really hers" was very devastating.
sometime after we returned from Cooperstown, she took a 23andme test, we weren't hoping to find any connections, this was more about finding her health history, her biological history so she could start to move forward with things.
but this is where the story turns, and I'm getting chills and starting to cry already.
a few weeks after she took that 23 and me test, she got the results. ON HER BIRTHDAY FRIENDS, she got the results.
her biological father is on 23 and me, and so are her THIRTEEN other siblings. but I'm not done. her biological father is a very famous dentist in Los Angeles, like a multi millionaire, and he, his wife of 20+ years, his 3 natural children, have embraced each and every one of these biochildren, within days of getting these results, she received a text message from one of the sisters who informed my girlfriend that she was the "welcome wagon" because, these people don't just talk occasionally, but they have formed a new family.
I didn't believe it at first. I had my guard up, there are 13 siblings, 13 spouses (actually 14, considering one of her sisters is in a throuple), and more kids, and statistically speaking someone is going to be a monster, right? there were like 30 names added to our family in one instance and blood or not, SOMEONE has to be a douchebag, right?
So I had been worried, and stressed, and anxious. A few weeks after my gf found out, she was invited to the wedding of one of her brothers in California, this brother is one of the "natural" children of her biological father, and he invited ALL of the siblings, spouses, and even kids to go to California and go to the wedding. my sweet girlfriend, who loves first and struggles second, immediately was excited and wanted to go, and I was terrified. So many people, new people, strange people, scary people, people I didnt know. I didn't know if she would be safe, and it scared me.
for the next few weeks and months she talked to them a LOT, there is a huge whatsapp group message with ALL of them, shes in other smaller groups with a few siblings or spouses, and it was insane. We bought tickets to California late last year.
A lot of you guys don't know me super super well. Tom (and a couple others who truly know me), but Tom especially will be able to vouch for this. the way my brain works is pretty fucked up, I have a lot of mental fuckiness from the life that I've had, and I tend to see danger and threat all around me. I get red flags about EVERYONE all the time, alarms in my brain are constantly going off, that persons a threat, I dont want that person near my girlfriends kids, i see it all the time.
so, her biofather, originally he was going to have us stay in one of his 3 homes, it was going to be in Malibu, pool, hot tub, ...everything. Completely at cost, zero money invested, just have to fly out. Okay, sounds... cool. Malibu dream house vacation? Sure.
A few days before we flew out, her biodad says "so I had to rent the Malibu House to a family that lost t heir home in a fire, its a long term rental. ...so I rented you guys a mansion."
he wasn't joking...
View attachment 20250206_170702.jpg
7 bedrooms, 7 baths, pool, hot tub, movie theater, outdoor kitchen, sunken firepit. it was a mansion.
but HERES WHERE IT GETS CRAZY. and I say again, a lot of you won't understand how big a deal some of what I'm about to say is coming from *ME*, but it is.
as we were driving up to this mansion in the fucking hills outside Los Angeles, I said to my girlfriend "...dont ditch me okay? I'm not gonna wanna be alone here, and I don't want you to be."
when we pulled into the driveway, a lot of the siblings and her biofather were on the porch. her biodad FORCED his way past people, grabbed Dara, stared at her the way a fucking dad does, then hugged her and started crying. Within the first 2 minutes of being there, I had 10 people I've never met, whos faces I didnt know, whos NAMES I DID NOT KNOW, walk up to me and say "you must be Cole!" and give me a huge hug.
I... think I changed in that moment. I walked away from my gf and her new siblings found some of the spouses, and, again, was just immediately welcomed into their group (I was handed a blunt 30 seconds later).
EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. was incredible. we were there for 6 days, all of us, and we hardly left the house other than the wedding and rehearsal dinner. and... not one red flag. not one alarm bell. not one "well I dont really wanna eat next to that person", every. single. person. was amazing, they were family. it was like they had been raised togetther their entire lives and were just coming together for this gathering later in life. I could walk into any group and just join the conversation. I met the husband of another of my girlfriends sisters and he and I made AMAZINGLY fast friends, we have very similar minds and temperaments and we just became fast friends. I haven't smoked that much weed since I was a teenager, 6 straight days waking up with a blunt, going to bed with a blunt, and passing joints and vapes the rest of the day.
I am still struggling with it, if I'm being honest. Im waiting for the strings, I'm waiting for the shoe to drop. but every sibling I talked to, every siblings spouse I talked to, all had the same message.
there aren't any strings.
this. is. family.
at one point, one of the other new sisters (my girlfriend came in with a wave of 5 new siblings to the already established group of 9 previously!), walked over to one of the natural children and said "i'm so jealous of your life, can we trade lives?" and without missing a beat, this girl replied "can't you just come be apart of it?" and I started breaking down.
there were moments like that sprinkled throughout the week. one of the new siblings was a former meth addict whos teeth are really messed up. her biodad is fixing them with actual implants FOR FREE. flying her to California to do it. ...and hes doing her boyfriends teeth too.
the entire week I kept fighting tears, "this isnt real" "life isnt supposed to be this easy" "I don't just get shit like this".
her biological father... towards the end, he hugged me, and he fucking THANKED ME for loving his daughter, and so did a couple of her sisters.
It... as of this point in my life, is the single most incredible thing to ever happen to me. I genuinely think it changed my life, it changed how I view love, and family, and what actually caring really means. all of these people accepted us immediately, no one had a complaint, no one judged us, no one made us uncomfortable, the siblings, the spouses, the fucking DOG that one of them brought, everyone got along, everyone was perfect with each other.
It's a family. and, we've only known about them for 6 fucking months and even *I* the most cynical piece of shit asshole you can possibly imagine, I hate everyone, I hate groups, I HATE MY OWN FAMILY, but after 6 months and then 6 days of being with them? I love and miss them all like I've known them my whole life.
I never post shit like this, I NEVER FEEL like this.
there are happy endings to life sometimes, but this was a fairytale, this IS a fairytale.
I've had an insane almost 3 years. and so has my girlfriend. sometimes, we sit down with someone new and we tell everyone all the horrible shit that has happened to us over the last almost 3 years since my mom died, and I think "they're not going to believe us", "they're going to think we made this all up, how could this much bad shit happen to just 2 people?", but it IS what had been happening, is still happening. (both of my gfs parents were diagnosed with Alzheimer's a year apart from eachother.) and that's only the beginning, that's just an example, but it HAS all happened, and it has been REALLY REALLY HARD.
but now this has happened, and as I sit here posting this story, and replaying memories in my head, and thinking about those people. remembering how it felt to get hugged as I was leaving, the type of hug that says "I know you have to go but I don't want you to". Remembering how it felt to have people care about me that didn't know me. people that just wanted to make sure *I* was happy, I was having a good time, I was eating, I was cared for. I write all this and I think "some of you are going to not believe this happened", and I understand that urge. if I hadn't witnessed all of this myself, I don't think I'd believe it really happened.
but it did happen...
and my life feels different now. I feel like I have a REAL REAL future for the first time... probably ever. for one of the first times in my life I have a phone full of contacts who would pick up if I called and I needed them. there are people who will fight for us when we need help, there are people who will stand behind us when we need support.
I want to be a better person just to live in their world...
(California was amazing, the views we had at that house were incredible, we got Hibachi catered to the house one night, her biodad paid for massages for all of us the next day, I got to ride around in a Porsche at 120mph down the California freeway. i got to see a 1 of 1 1954 Corvette, and a 1 of ~100 1970 Baricuda, all owned by her biodad.)
strangely, i genuinely hope there are questions, I WANT to talk about this stuff. (which is also, very rare for me)
